Am I really going to blog?: Samantha

Friday, January 9, 2009

Samantha

Samantha was always Cameron's biggest cheerleader. This picture was taken during the 2006 football season. Her cheers echoed through the valley.

Tonight Sam was talking to me tonight & it made me so sad. She was saying things like "I'm not as good as bubby" and "I'm not as smart as bubby." I know she has heard so many people talking about Cameron and what a wonderful boy he was. I always try to tell her how special she is too but I don't think she quite believes me. I didn't think we would have self-esteem issues until her teen years.

Until next time

Lori

2 comments:

Jennifer OrtizJanuary 11, 2009 at 5:43 PM
Wow, you are an amazing person.
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DorcasJanuary 23, 2009 at 11:14 AM
Lori,
One of my Angel friends in USA asked me to send you this if I can.
Good Morning Dorcas...Below is a note from Angel Peggy...Hope you have a great weekend...
God Bless...Lots of Love, Jeri

-------Original Message-------

From: Yesmam29@aol.com
Date: 1/23/2009 10:18:49 AM
To: jer2231@bellsouth.net
Subject: Re: Lori

Please tell Lori for me that I think the quilt is a beautiful idea, and that they will enjoy it forever. How sweet of Samantha to wish for a ladder high enough to take her to see her loved ones. God bless you all.
Love, Peggy
and Love from Dorcas as well
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I HOPE....

I hope you never have to hear the words, 'Your child has cancer.'

I hope you never have to hear, 'The prognosis is not good.'

I hope you never have to prepare to undergo radiation or chemotherapy, have a port surgically inserted into their chest, be connected to IV poles. Look at you with fear in their eyes and say, 'Don't worry Mommy, everything will be okay.'

I hope you never have to hold your child as they vomit green bile.

I hope you never have to feed them ice chips for lunch.

I hope you never have to watch the 'cure' you pray for slowly take away their identity, as they lose their hair, become skeletal, swell up from steroids, develop severe acne, become barely or unable to walk or move, and look at you with hope in their eyes and say,'It's going to be okay, Mommy.'

I hope that you never have to stay in the hospital for weeks, months, or years at a time, where there is no privacy, sleeping on a slab, with your face to the wall, where you cry in muffled silence.

I hope you never have to see a mother, alone, huddled, in a dark hospital corridor...crying quietly, after just being told, 'There is nothing more we can do.'

I hope you never have to watch a family wander aimlessly, minutes after their child's body has been removed.

I hope you never have to use every bit of energy you have left, with all of this going on around you to remain positive, and the feelings of guilt, sorrow, hope and fear, overwhelm you.

I hope you never have to see a child's head bolted to the table as they receive radiation.

I hope you never have to take your child home (grateful but so afraid) in a wheelchair because the chemo and radiation has damaged their muscles, 35 pounds lighter, pale, bald, and scarred. And they look at you with faith in their eyes and say, 'It's going to be okay Mommy.'

I hope you never have to face the few friends that have stuck beside you and hear them say, 'Thank God that is over with,'...because you know it never will be. Your life becomes a whirl of doctors, blood tests and MRI's and you try to get your life back to 'normal'. While living in mind-numbing fear that any one of those tests could result in hearing the dreaded words...'The cancer has returned' or 'The tumor is growing.' And your friends become even fewer.

I hope you never have to experience any of these things... Because...only then...Will you understand...

(author unknown)