When you are 5 years old, there is not much that is more fun than a trampoline! We broke down and got one for Sam last weekend and she is loving it. (I am well aware of the dangers and we are taking appropriate precautions.) Living where we do, in a rural area with no sidewalks, she does not have a lot of opportunity to ride her bike or scooter. I don't want her in front of a screen (computer, tv, etc) all summer, so the trampoline felt like a good idea for outdoor fun. Here she is bouncing around:
and taking a fall......
Ok, so this picture looks dangerous. My nephew is a dare devil and quite good at flips.
The ladies who compiled the 2008-2009 Coolville Elementary School yearbook included a 2-page memorial spread for Cameron. I knew they were doing this. I sent them some of my favorite photos. When I saw the yearbook in Samantha's book bag, I knew it would be in there. Yet, when I came across the page, it felt shocking to me. I can't believe he is gone.
Not because I've been busy. More about writer's block - nothing has felt interesting enough to write about. Still doesn't, but here I go anyway.
Mother's Day was awful. Just as I expected. The first without Cameron. The first without my mom. I just wanted to stay in bed all day & feel sorry for myself. Samantha would not allow that. She was in my face bright & early - chattering away. She made me some lovely pictures and a card.
In the afternoon, I had some time to myself so I went to the cemetaries. I like to go alone. Felt guily for things I should have said, should have done. Felt bad about not doing a better job for Samantha. Came home. Drank some wine. Looked at some photos. Drank some more wine. Felt a little better.
I'd like to say that the week got better, but it didn't. I had a hard time focusing at work. Was quite irritable with everyone. Best part of the week - I broke the parking rules and got a ticket, which I then in turn mocked by laminating and hanging on my bulletin board. Probably shouldn't have done that.
I found another quote that resonated with me:
Faith is, at one and the same time, absolutely necessary and altogether impossible. - Stanislaw Lem
As I have writen before, I struggle with my faith. It has been so deeply shaken over the past 6 years. I have always believed and have spent countless hours praying. At times, I feel that my faith is what gets me through, what gives me strength. Other times, I feel so completely let down. It is difficult to reconcile all of these thoughts in my own mind. There are individuals that I could consult, but I'm not ready for that yet.
Tyler's dad recently posted an interesting comparison between community and governmental responses to the swine flu versus childhood cancer. Please read this blog. It will make you think and it may make you feel a little sick like it did to me. Thanks to Kyle for continuing to post.