Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Cameron at about age 3, before he was first sick.
Dad & Samantha after church, spring 2005.
Cameron's 2006 football picture and cousin Ian's school photo. There has always been a strong resemblance.
2004: Cameron's first year of t-ball. As you can tell, the players spent about as much time in the trees as they did in the field.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
re-experience of the event/flashbacks (check)
difficulty sleeping (have you met my friend Ambien?)
impairment in social or occupational functioning (not so much)
loss of interest in previously enjoyable activities (middle of the road)
Staying away from places, events, or objects that are reminders of the experience (check)
Feeling emotionally numb (not so much)
Feeling strong guilt, depression, or worry (bingo)
Angry outbursts (oh man...)
So, I am diagnosing myself here. Should be ok, I am a licensed professional. Too bad I won't follow my own advice. Much easier to give than to implement.
What prompted this introspection today was a fever.
Sam woke up with a temp of 103. She also had nausea, achiness and stuffy nose. I got such a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I gave her some tylenol, checked her all over for bruising and then reluctantly went in to work. Eric took her to the dr when they opened. I was a nervous wreck, irritable, unable to problem solve. I thought to myself - there is absolutely no way I could it all again. I am not strong enough. I catastrophized what I knew in my head was either the flu or an infection. Took forever for him to call me with the official diagnosis - sinus infection, prescribed an antibiotic and a decongestant. She is sleeping on the couch now.
I wonder if this will ever get better? I am beginning to think not. Did I mention that I am exhausted? Shouldn't write in here when I am... exhaustion for me tends to lead to emotional instability. (I know you are thinking she must always be exhausted!)
Tomorrow is a different day. Here's to hoping it will be a better one.
Monday, June 8, 2009
You can help save a life. All it takes is for you to invite one person to join the marrow registry. If everyone who shares your commitment reached out to just one other person, we could exceed our recruitment goal.
It’s FREE to join the marrow registry during the Marrowthon, June 8 - 22.
I invite all of you to join at http://marrow.org/
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Her field trip and picnic was canceled due to rain. The school made the best of the day. They still grilled out and we all ate in the cafeteria. Samantha spent more time talking and playing than eating, so more than half of that hotdog was wasted. No wonder she only weighs 34 pounds. I've always said that she makes up for all of the words Cameron didn't say.
Samantha and her teacher, Mrs. Atha. Sam was proud to give her some flowers and a hug. On the way home, she said "I'm going to miss Mrs. Atha." Mrs. Atha was really good to Sam (& all of us) this year. She was understanding of all the days that Sam needed to miss. She gave her extra time and attention when Sam seemed to need more. Sam was proud to point out that she was "on green" all year. Hard for me to believe how that could happen......
After school, we went to visit grandpa Pete on what should have been my parents' 44th wedding anniversary. It was too rainy to visit the cemetary, though dad did try & took over some pink roses. He's lonely and I am no help.
Later, and as promised, I took Samantha to see the movie "Up." My first clue should have been that there were only a handful of kids in a fairly full theater. I thought "why are there so many adults in here?" I found out that though this was an animated movie, the premise had many adult themes. The movie addresses miscarriage, infertility, death and a lonely old man with too many balloons. There were several parts that were scary to Sam. Maybe in part due to the 3-D glasses making things pop out of the screen. In the end, she said it was "ok" which is not her usual ringing endorsement.
We had dinner at Gran Ranchero in Parkersburg (formally known as El Ranchero). This has been one of our favorite places since before we were married. Cameron loved it there, particularly one waiter, Roman. They had a fire in 2007 and it took some time for remodeling. Cam was almost consistently sick after that. This was our first trip back. Roman came to our table and asked in broken English "Where is the boy?" Ouch. Where is my margarita?