Thursday, July 25, 2013

So much has happened

So much has happened in the couple of weeks since I was last here!
We worked hard preparing for the 3rd Annual Cam & Sue's Cancer SUCKS 5k! Sami trained on my treadmill. Her goal was to beat her time from last year.

Next to the registration table, we have always had a table for people to write in the names of family members and friends who have battled cancer. People generally spend some time there reading, adding names and talking to each other about the people on the posters.
This is why we run.

We have such a generous and involved community! We had over 220 participants this year! The weather was wonderful. The called-for rain passed around us. The sun was shining and our awesomely orange shirts glowed!

Sami did not meet her goal.....
She did however do several cart wheels and spent about 10 minutes petting some horses along the route. She had fun which really is the most important part.

The next weekend some friends & I headed to Columbus to participate in the Color Run. Apparently there was us & about 12,000 other people!
We started out so clean.....

& finished pretty gross! I gave up on that formerly white shirt & I just threw it away. The race was low pressure - no timing, lots of slowing down for color to be tossed on us.
Glad I did it. Won't do it again!

Also in July, we passed a milestone. One that I have been counting down for over four years. One that I have prayed for. One that broke my heart again.

Samantha turned 9 years and 8 months old. She has now officially lived longer than Cameron had the chance to live. It feels so weird to look at her and know that she is now older than he ever was. He was always the big brother. But he never got to be 10.

Until next time,

Sunday, July 7, 2013

List updates!


1. Run/jog/walk 1000 miles. Current status: 503.69/1000.

I am still about 10 miles behind where I should be, but am very slowly catching up! It does feel good to be more than half done! Unfortunately, I am looking at a very busy week. I hope to not lose too much ground.

2. Read 100 books. Current Status: 30/100

Since the last update I have read: The Color of Water in July: A Novel by Nora Carroll; What Stays in Vegas by Beth Labonte; Waiting Fate by W.B. Kinnette; One Step Too Far by Tina Seskis; Running from Love: A Story for Runners and Lovers by Rozsa Gaston; All For Anna (Letting Go) by Nicole Deese; Truth About Managing People (3rd Edition) by Stephen P. Robbins

YIKES! I am still way behind!

3. Lose 25 pounds. No comment.

4. Get more organized. No comment

5. Make one new recipe per week. Current status: 23/52

Falling behind here too!

I am beginning to think that I have too many ambitious goals this year!

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

All of that fuss.....

for cysts.

I cannot say enough good things about Riverside's Breast Health Center. EVERY SINGLE PERSON I encountered there today was wonderful and caring. I never plan to go anywhere else.

It started with registration. Quick, easy and strangely comforting. The registration lady assured me that I would not leave the building until I had answers.

Next came the mammograms. Yes, plural. Regular, compression - which is different than regular in a way that I cannot really explain and a 3D mammogram which was pretty cool with the machine rotating around while clicking pictures. Then, back to the private waiting room with a Hershey bar. They seriously know their clientele.

Finally, the ultrasound. At this point I am a little shaky. The tech covered me with one of those soft fuzzy blankets still warm from the dryer. Very soothing. Then I got a look at the screen. There they were. 4 black blobs that should not be there. She measured them from all angles. I tried not to look, but like an accident scene, I couldn't help myself. I tried not to vomit & was actually successful with that. Then she patted me & left the room. That is when I cried.

After a few moments, a kind and gentle doctor came in. I have no idea what her name is. All I remember is her saying "Honey, don't cry. These are cysts. Fluid-filled, benign cysts." She may have said something else too. I don't remember. I felt dizzy and embarrassed. She patted me too and said "see you next year."

And that was it. Now I am home with my feet up trying to recover from the emotional upheaval of the last week.

Thanks to all of you for the kind thoughts and prayers.

Until next time,

Monday, July 1, 2013

Only one more day of waiting!


I know that I have PTSD. I know it from the symptoms. I know it from friends. I know it from colleagues who are mental health professionals. I know it from my family practice doctor. Knowing it and coping with it are two worlds apart.

Logical me knows that blips pop up all the time on mammograms and lots of women get called back to find out about a cyst. Or that they inadvertently worn deodorant and that messed up the film making it look like a big black shadow. Or any other number of benign issues.

I KNOW that.

BUT, when I looked at my letter, my first thought was "I am going to die." I haven't been able to shake it either. I did not schedule my over-due hair appointment when I saw my lady last week because what is the point? I look at my daughter and at times I simply cannot breathe.

I don't get good medical news. Just doesn't happen for me. Maybe tomorrow can be a first. Who knows? In the meantime, I am going to count on some pharmaceutical help.