Am I really going to blog?: Confessions of a slacker.....

Monday, February 27, 2012

Confessions of a slacker.....

I love to read. Always have. I get it naturally as both my parents were avid readers. I was the nerd-child who usually ask for books for gifts. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my Kindle.

But, I am a slacker these days. Must be all the running (looking for any excuse here.....).

I have a stack of borrowed books on my night stand, more upstairs on a shelf & literally hundreds patiently waiting on the kindle. So, what am I doing? Trolling around on the internet, reading blogs and news articles. Haven't read a real chapter in weeks. Feeling guilty about this. Not sure what is stopping me. Maybe it is my attention span. Maybe it is my general fatigue. Maybe I am just lazy. Who knows???

With all that said, I still love books.

I stumbled upon a site called Goodreads the other day. It reminded me a bit of Netflix where you can rate books you've read in a variety of categories and then they give you a list of books they think you will like based on your history. I spent at least an hour rating books and looking around. Now, I have pages of additional books that this website is sure that I will love. No pressure, just another 200 books to add to my pile. I may have to take a leave of absence from my job!

Ok - off to read some Dr. Seuss to Sami.....

Until next time,
Lori

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I HOPE....

I hope you never have to hear the words, 'Your child has cancer.'

I hope you never have to hear, 'The prognosis is not good.'

I hope you never have to prepare to undergo radiation or chemotherapy, have a port surgically inserted into their chest, be connected to IV poles. Look at you with fear in their eyes and say, 'Don't worry Mommy, everything will be okay.'

I hope you never have to hold your child as they vomit green bile.

I hope you never have to feed them ice chips for lunch.

I hope you never have to watch the 'cure' you pray for slowly take away their identity, as they lose their hair, become skeletal, swell up from steroids, develop severe acne, become barely or unable to walk or move, and look at you with hope in their eyes and say,'It's going to be okay, Mommy.'

I hope that you never have to stay in the hospital for weeks, months, or years at a time, where there is no privacy, sleeping on a slab, with your face to the wall, where you cry in muffled silence.

I hope you never have to see a mother, alone, huddled, in a dark hospital corridor...crying quietly, after just being told, 'There is nothing more we can do.'

I hope you never have to watch a family wander aimlessly, minutes after their child's body has been removed.

I hope you never have to use every bit of energy you have left, with all of this going on around you to remain positive, and the feelings of guilt, sorrow, hope and fear, overwhelm you.

I hope you never have to see a child's head bolted to the table as they receive radiation.

I hope you never have to take your child home (grateful but so afraid) in a wheelchair because the chemo and radiation has damaged their muscles, 35 pounds lighter, pale, bald, and scarred. And they look at you with faith in their eyes and say, 'It's going to be okay Mommy.'

I hope you never have to face the few friends that have stuck beside you and hear them say, 'Thank God that is over with,'...because you know it never will be. Your life becomes a whirl of doctors, blood tests and MRI's and you try to get your life back to 'normal'. While living in mind-numbing fear that any one of those tests could result in hearing the dreaded words...'The cancer has returned' or 'The tumor is growing.' And your friends become even fewer.

I hope you never have to experience any of these things... Because...only then...Will you understand...

(author unknown)