Am I really going to blog?: Counting days......

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Counting days......

I've always been one to mark anniversaries. I've celebrated milestones and tried to find joy in each day, especially with my children. Today is an anniversary of sorts. I won't recap what I put on Cameron's caringbridge today. It was 6 years ago that I started counting our lives in terms of days. Days of chemo, days since chemo, days of remission, days until transplant, days past transplant, days since Cameron has been gone (147). I wonder if that will ever stop?

Celebrating one year post diagnosis:

March 25, 2005:

March 25, 2006:

March 25, 2008:

Somehow I missed 2007 which is unlike me. Maybe I just don't have a digital picture.

Thanks for your continued thoughts & prayers.

Lori

4 comments:

Gina SampsonMarch 25, 2009 at 9:45 PM
Lori, I hope you find a reason to smile on day 148. I'll be praying for you.
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herMarch 25, 2009 at 10:19 PM
Lori...I just red your Caring Bridge update...my heart hurts for you tonight.

I love your quote..."You don't know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have."

I know you are a strong lady! I know you were strong for Cameron! I know that your strength helped him thru many days.

I do not know what it is like to go thru what you have gone thru but I have lost a child of my own and it's not fair! I have also lost a good friend's child to cancer and that was hard, not fair! I know that I am proud to say that I knew Lauren and she was awesome!!!

I have never met you but I can tell that Cameron was a neat kid too! BUt if you got to ask him right now, would he want to come back from heaven, his answer would be no...not b/c he doesn't love you but b/c he loves Jesus more!

Aren't you glad God gave us a memory??? You have stories and pictures stored up for a lifetime of giggles! Share them often w/your daughter and husband!

We love you out here in blogland..Joy, DeeDee
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MarieMarch 26, 2009 at 9:35 AM
Lori, I think of you & Cam often and wanted you to know you're still in my prayers...

Lifting you up to Him so that He may bring you strenght for another day.
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AnonymousMarch 26, 2009 at 10:32 AM
Lori-
Thinking of you. The first time the words are muttered- you lose all you ever knew before that second. The "new normal" is something that is still hard to get used to. Life becomes hem/onc and doctors and hospials and I guess that becomes routine- but somedays, I see photos of life before cancer (I call it "BC") and I feel a tug to those days when things seemed so simple and easy... Life changes on a dime.
Hang tough - know that people are still thinking of you, praying for you and remembering Cameron.
Sincerely,
Lori Schroeder
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I HOPE....

I hope you never have to hear the words, 'Your child has cancer.'

I hope you never have to hear, 'The prognosis is not good.'

I hope you never have to prepare to undergo radiation or chemotherapy, have a port surgically inserted into their chest, be connected to IV poles. Look at you with fear in their eyes and say, 'Don't worry Mommy, everything will be okay.'

I hope you never have to hold your child as they vomit green bile.

I hope you never have to feed them ice chips for lunch.

I hope you never have to watch the 'cure' you pray for slowly take away their identity, as they lose their hair, become skeletal, swell up from steroids, develop severe acne, become barely or unable to walk or move, and look at you with hope in their eyes and say,'It's going to be okay, Mommy.'

I hope that you never have to stay in the hospital for weeks, months, or years at a time, where there is no privacy, sleeping on a slab, with your face to the wall, where you cry in muffled silence.

I hope you never have to see a mother, alone, huddled, in a dark hospital corridor...crying quietly, after just being told, 'There is nothing more we can do.'

I hope you never have to watch a family wander aimlessly, minutes after their child's body has been removed.

I hope you never have to use every bit of energy you have left, with all of this going on around you to remain positive, and the feelings of guilt, sorrow, hope and fear, overwhelm you.

I hope you never have to see a child's head bolted to the table as they receive radiation.

I hope you never have to take your child home (grateful but so afraid) in a wheelchair because the chemo and radiation has damaged their muscles, 35 pounds lighter, pale, bald, and scarred. And they look at you with faith in their eyes and say, 'It's going to be okay Mommy.'

I hope you never have to face the few friends that have stuck beside you and hear them say, 'Thank God that is over with,'...because you know it never will be. Your life becomes a whirl of doctors, blood tests and MRI's and you try to get your life back to 'normal'. While living in mind-numbing fear that any one of those tests could result in hearing the dreaded words...'The cancer has returned' or 'The tumor is growing.' And your friends become even fewer.

I hope you never have to experience any of these things... Because...only then...Will you understand...

(author unknown)