Am I really going to blog?: Ramblings of a crazy woman......

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Ramblings of a crazy woman......

There are things we don't want to happen, but have to accept; things we don't want to know, but have to learn, and people we can't live without, but have to let go.

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Ramblings of a crazy woman should probably be the new name of my blog.... Seems like I am always a rambling crazy woman.

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Sometime over the summer I got a postcard from the eye doctor reminding me to schedule my 2 year appointment. I didn't. Got another reminder a few weeks ago. I called and accepted an appointment with their new doctor. Since I don't really have any eye issues it doesn't really matter to me who I see. (Ha! See!)

So, the new doctor was a young guy who was doing his best to make some small talk. He started by saying "I see you haven't been here since July 2008. I bet you've been too busy having the time of your life to come in here." My reaction: stare at him blankly for nearly a minute, then burst into tears. Poor guy didn't know what to do. I composed myself, explained why I hadn't been having the time of my life, watched him squirm in his chair and then I tried to change the subject. We talked a bit about Samantha and how she has never had a formal eye exam. I told him about her doctor phobia and how she just might burst into tears at the sight of a white coat, adding " I don't know where she gets that." We chuckled and got on with the exam.

I scheduled Samantha's appointment with him hoping to redeem myself a little bit. I hope I didn't forever ruin his bedside manner.

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Got in extra miles this week - trying to make up for the bottle of wine and dozen chocolate chip cookies.....

19.95 miles this week for a grand total of 176.84!

My poor feet can really feel it too. I am nursing some ugly blisters on my right foot. If anyone has any suggestions for prevention and/or treatment I am willing to try just about anything!

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Items completed 9/38:
#1, #2, #5, #7, #8, #14, #22, #29, #38

Items in progress 12/38:
#10, #11, #15, #16, #17, #18, #23, #24, #28, #34, #35, #36

I may actually complete my list!

Until next time,
Lori

1 comment:

RobinMarch 10, 2011 at 8:58 AM
Thinking of you and remembering Cameron! Yeah on the running...WTG
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I HOPE....

I hope you never have to hear the words, 'Your child has cancer.'

I hope you never have to hear, 'The prognosis is not good.'

I hope you never have to prepare to undergo radiation or chemotherapy, have a port surgically inserted into their chest, be connected to IV poles. Look at you with fear in their eyes and say, 'Don't worry Mommy, everything will be okay.'

I hope you never have to hold your child as they vomit green bile.

I hope you never have to feed them ice chips for lunch.

I hope you never have to watch the 'cure' you pray for slowly take away their identity, as they lose their hair, become skeletal, swell up from steroids, develop severe acne, become barely or unable to walk or move, and look at you with hope in their eyes and say,'It's going to be okay, Mommy.'

I hope that you never have to stay in the hospital for weeks, months, or years at a time, where there is no privacy, sleeping on a slab, with your face to the wall, where you cry in muffled silence.

I hope you never have to see a mother, alone, huddled, in a dark hospital corridor...crying quietly, after just being told, 'There is nothing more we can do.'

I hope you never have to watch a family wander aimlessly, minutes after their child's body has been removed.

I hope you never have to use every bit of energy you have left, with all of this going on around you to remain positive, and the feelings of guilt, sorrow, hope and fear, overwhelm you.

I hope you never have to see a child's head bolted to the table as they receive radiation.

I hope you never have to take your child home (grateful but so afraid) in a wheelchair because the chemo and radiation has damaged their muscles, 35 pounds lighter, pale, bald, and scarred. And they look at you with faith in their eyes and say, 'It's going to be okay Mommy.'

I hope you never have to face the few friends that have stuck beside you and hear them say, 'Thank God that is over with,'...because you know it never will be. Your life becomes a whirl of doctors, blood tests and MRI's and you try to get your life back to 'normal'. While living in mind-numbing fear that any one of those tests could result in hearing the dreaded words...'The cancer has returned' or 'The tumor is growing.' And your friends become even fewer.

I hope you never have to experience any of these things... Because...only then...Will you understand...

(author unknown)