Am I really going to blog?: So this is it

Friday, October 30, 2009

So this is it

The one year anniversary. Not sure how I am going to make it through the day. I think this picture of Sam is a pretty good representation of how I am feeling (of course she is not holding a glass of wine...)

5 comments:

AnonymousOctober 30, 2009 at 1:29 PM
Lori,

I do not know you or your family but followed Cameron's site through others and just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you today. I have no doubt that this totally sucks for you & I am so sorry.
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CarolineOctober 30, 2009 at 2:34 PM
Sending love, Lori.

~Caroline / vorona
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Beth ClowOctober 30, 2009 at 2:53 PM
(((hugs)))
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Lori SchroederOctober 30, 2009 at 4:31 PM
Hi Lori-
Thinking of you! I know this must be a hard, hard day. You are doing a great job with this - just look at how much you do for and with Samantha. It speaks volumes because it would probably be easier to give up - but you dont and you havent. Keep going.

Sending love -
Lori (and family)
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AnonymousOctober 30, 2009 at 5:31 PM
you don't know me but I have been following through others. I can't even image what you are going through, but please hang in there. You have a beautiful daughter and a husband you will make it through this. Although it will be tough, God doesn't hand us things unless he knows we are strong enough to handle it. God bless and stay strong. you will get through this difficult time. Know that you and your family have touched many lives and there are plenty of thoughts and prayers coming your way. God bless
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I HOPE....

I hope you never have to hear the words, 'Your child has cancer.'

I hope you never have to hear, 'The prognosis is not good.'

I hope you never have to prepare to undergo radiation or chemotherapy, have a port surgically inserted into their chest, be connected to IV poles. Look at you with fear in their eyes and say, 'Don't worry Mommy, everything will be okay.'

I hope you never have to hold your child as they vomit green bile.

I hope you never have to feed them ice chips for lunch.

I hope you never have to watch the 'cure' you pray for slowly take away their identity, as they lose their hair, become skeletal, swell up from steroids, develop severe acne, become barely or unable to walk or move, and look at you with hope in their eyes and say,'It's going to be okay, Mommy.'

I hope that you never have to stay in the hospital for weeks, months, or years at a time, where there is no privacy, sleeping on a slab, with your face to the wall, where you cry in muffled silence.

I hope you never have to see a mother, alone, huddled, in a dark hospital corridor...crying quietly, after just being told, 'There is nothing more we can do.'

I hope you never have to watch a family wander aimlessly, minutes after their child's body has been removed.

I hope you never have to use every bit of energy you have left, with all of this going on around you to remain positive, and the feelings of guilt, sorrow, hope and fear, overwhelm you.

I hope you never have to see a child's head bolted to the table as they receive radiation.

I hope you never have to take your child home (grateful but so afraid) in a wheelchair because the chemo and radiation has damaged their muscles, 35 pounds lighter, pale, bald, and scarred. And they look at you with faith in their eyes and say, 'It's going to be okay Mommy.'

I hope you never have to face the few friends that have stuck beside you and hear them say, 'Thank God that is over with,'...because you know it never will be. Your life becomes a whirl of doctors, blood tests and MRI's and you try to get your life back to 'normal'. While living in mind-numbing fear that any one of those tests could result in hearing the dreaded words...'The cancer has returned' or 'The tumor is growing.' And your friends become even fewer.

I hope you never have to experience any of these things... Because...only then...Will you understand...

(author unknown)