So much has happened

So much has happened in the couple of weeks since I was last here!

 

We worked hard preparing for the 3rd Annual Cam & Sue's Cancer SUCKS 5k! Sami trained on my treadmill. Her goal was to beat her time from last year.

 

 

Next to the registration table, we have always had a table for people to write in the names of family members and friends who have battled cancer. People generally spend some time there reading, adding names and talking to each other about the people on the posters.

 

This is why we run.

 



 

We have such a generous and involved community! We had over 220 participants this year! The weather was wonderful. The called-for rain passed around us. The sun was shining and our awesomely orange shirts glowed!

 



Sami did not meet her goal.....

 

She did however do several cart wheels and spent about 10 minutes petting some horses along the route. She had fun which really is the most important part.

 



 

The next weekend some friends & I headed to Columbus to participate in the Color Run. Apparently there was us & about 12,000 other people!

 

We started out so clean.....

 



& finished pretty gross! I gave up on that formerly white shirt & I just threw it away. The race was low pressure - no timing, lots of slowing down for color to be tossed on us.

Glad I did it. Won't do it again!

 

 



Also in July, we passed a milestone. One that I have been counting down for over four years. One that I have prayed for. One that broke my heart again.

Samantha turned 9 years and 8 months old. She has now officially lived longer than Cameron had the chance to live. It feels so weird to look at her and know that she is now older than he ever was. He was always the big brother. But he never got to be 10.

Until next time,
Lori

List updates!

Updates

1. Run/jog/walk 1000 miles. Current status: 503.69/1000.

I am still about 10 miles behind where I should be, but am very slowly catching up! It does feel good to be more than half done! Unfortunately, I am looking at a very busy week. I hope to not lose too much ground.

2. Read 100 books. Current Status: 30/100

Since the last update I have read: The Color of Water in July: A Novel by Nora Carroll; What Stays in Vegas by Beth Labonte; Waiting Fate by W.B. Kinnette; One Step Too Far by Tina Seskis; Running from Love: A Story for Runners and Lovers by Rozsa Gaston; All For Anna (Letting Go) by Nicole Deese; Truth About Managing People (3rd Edition) by Stephen P. Robbins

YIKES! I am still way behind!

3. Lose 25 pounds. No comment.

4. Get more organized. No comment

5. Make one new recipe per week. Current status: 23/52

Falling behind here too!


I am beginning to think that I have too many ambitious goals this year!

All of that fuss.....

for cysts.

I cannot say enough good things about Riverside's Breast Health Center. EVERY SINGLE PERSON I encountered there today was wonderful and caring. I never plan to go anywhere else.

It started with registration. Quick, easy and strangely comforting. The registration lady assured me that I would not leave the building until I had answers.

Next came the mammograms. Yes, plural. Regular, compression - which is different than regular in a way that I cannot really explain and a 3D mammogram which was pretty cool with the machine rotating around while clicking pictures. Then, back to the private waiting room with a Hershey bar. They seriously know their clientele.

Finally, the ultrasound. At this point I am a little shaky. The tech covered me with one of those soft fuzzy blankets still warm from the dryer. Very soothing. Then I got a look at the screen. There they were. 4 black blobs that should not be there. She measured them from all angles. I tried not to look, but like an accident scene, I couldn't help myself. I tried not to vomit & was actually successful with that. Then she patted me & left the room. That is when I cried.

After a few moments, a kind and gentle doctor came in. I have no idea what her name is. All I remember is her saying "Honey, don't cry. These are cysts. Fluid-filled, benign cysts." She may have said something else too. I don't remember. I felt dizzy and embarrassed. She patted me too and said "see you next year."

And that was it. Now I am home with my feet up trying to recover from the emotional upheaval of the last week.

Thanks to all of you for the kind thoughts and prayers.

Until next time,
Lori

Only one more day of waiting!

This is SERIOUSLY.KILLING.ME.

I know that I have PTSD. I know it from the symptoms. I know it from friends. I know it from colleagues who are mental health professionals. I know it from my family practice doctor. Knowing it and coping with it are two worlds apart.

Logical me knows that blips pop up all the time on mammograms and lots of women get called back to find out about a cyst. Or that they inadvertently worn deodorant and that messed up the film making it look like a big black shadow. Or any other number of benign issues.

I KNOW that.

BUT, when I looked at my letter, my first thought was "I am going to die." I haven't been able to shake it either. I did not schedule my over-due hair appointment when I saw my lady last week because what is the point? I look at my daughter and at times I simply cannot breathe.

I don't get good medical news. Just doesn't happen for me. Maybe tomorrow can be a first. Who knows? In the meantime, I am going to count on some pharmaceutical help.

Lori

So friends....

I've not been myself. Kind of down, worried. Expecting the worst.

All because of a letter. A form letter in fact. The kind of form letter that doesn't even have a copied signature. Just some random guys name typed at the bottom.

So, my letter said that my recent mammogram "shows a finding that requires additional imaging studies. You should call your doctor to have an appointment scheduled for complete evaluation of this finding if you have not already done so."

Um.... how would I have done so when I just not got your freaking letter???? At 6 PM. So, I get to worry and stew and cry all night. Imaging all of the worst things. Wishing I could just talk to my mom.

So, first thing in the morning I tried calling my doctor. He was in surgery all morning. Left messages for the nurse to call me back. Every hour. She never called.

So, I tried calling the radiologist whose name was typed on the bottom of my letter. He, conveniently, was not taking calls that day. Seriously? Is that an option?

So, I tried calling the Women's Center where the original mammogram was done. Guess what? They don't know anything.

In desperation, I called Riverside Hospital's Breast Health Center in Columbus. I have never been a patient there, but I've heard good things about them. So, why not? No one else will talk to me, what is one more rejection?

Guess what? Polly talked to me. She had me sign a release & fax it to her. She got a copy of my report and shared it with me ("something" on the far right side of the right breast). She scheduled me for a compression mammogram (not sure how that is different from a regular one), ultrasound and consult with the doctor on Tuesday. She promised me that I would not leave there without an answer. Bless her heart. She may have single-handedly prevented an absolute breakdown just by talking with me.

So, poor sleep and an active imagination have made for a fragile me. But I only have to get through a few more days. Good thing I am medicated.

I will update again when I have something more to say. Positive thoughts & prayers are appreciated!

Lori

48 years ago today....

my parents got married.

Can't find their wedding photo on this computer, so a pic from the 70s will have to do.

Boring updates.....

Updates

1. Run/jog/walk 1000 miles. Current status: 347.28/1000.

Still behind, but catching up. It is so hard to work in 2.74 miles EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. This leaves me very little time for cross-training which I know I am going to pay for in the long-run. Need to work on finding a better balance.

2. Read 100 books. Current Status: 23/100

Since the last update I have read: Need to Breathe by Tara Staley; Stretch Marks: A Novel by Kimberly Stuart; Sunflowers by Melodie Starkey; Absence of Grace by Ann Warner; Growing from Depression by Neel Burton; Unfriend Yourself: Three Days to Detox, Discern, and Decide About Social Media; Jane Rochester: A Novel Inspired by Charlotte Bronte's Jane Eyre by Kimberly A. Bennett; & Miracles: 32 True Stories by Joanie Hileman.

YIKES! I am way behind (should be at 38 books down right now!). It feels like I am reading A LOT but not getting anywhere!

3. Lose 25 pounds. No comment.

4. Get more organized. No comment

5. Make one new recipe per week. Current status: 20/52

 

Doing ok here. Made yummy French toast using French Vanilla coffee creamer - Thanks to Krogers for that idea! Have also made random side dishes - roasted tomatoes with olive oil and parmesan cheese, breakfast smoothie with almond milk, frozen banana, black berries, Greek yogurt and 6 almonds; fudgy brownies with cream cheese swirls. My favorite (& new regular is this: http://foodpicsgo.com/?p=1618).

 

********

 

Otherwise, life is just busy!  Will try to do a more interesting update soon!

 

Until next time,

Lori