Sunday, December 25, 2011

Merry Christmas?

This is the note that Samantha left for Santa along with the cookies & milk.

Few adults love Christmas as much as my mom. Her Christmas's were over the top. Guess that is where I got it.
Or had it. Nothing has been the same since 2008. Not nearly as Merry, but still have to go on. Still have to make magical holiday memories for Samantha. It is such a stress-filled time - wanting so badly & working so hard to make things perfect. Meanwhile, my heart is breaking. Shopping for one instead of two. Shopping alone instead of with my mom. No family portraits because one is always missing.
I was 8 or 9 in this pic:
Christmas 1999 - Cameron was overwhelmed with the tree, the lights, the presents.

Christmas 2004. Cameron thought if he slept in front of the tree, he'd catch Santa. Good thing he was a deep sleeper otherwise I would have been busted!
Christmas 2005:

Christmas 2011.

It's now almost 10 p.m. I've had too much to eat, too much to drink, too many tears. I am exhausted. Maybe a good night's sleep will help. Tomorrow is a new day & time to start shopping for Christmas 2012.
List & mileage updates next time.


  1. Lori - I think this is the best blog entry I have read, ever. I love the story told in the pictures. Your well chosen words are sharp, honest and beautiful. Grief and loss changes us. But, you have chosen to go on, even though you and everything that was normal to you is different than before. You shine hope like no one else I know.

  2. Thank you,= Lori, Eric and Sam! Thank you Lori for accompanying me down a path I didn't think I could walk. I miss Cameron and remember how quiet he was when I gave him a ride in my convertible. I so miss Sue.