Poem by Julian's mom

First heartbeats, First kicks, First hiccups,
You were in my belly, You were already mine, I already knew you …
First cry, First tender touch, First kiss,
You were finally here, You were perfect, I already loved you…
First smile, First tooth, First step,
You were so sweet, You were all I wanted, I’d always hug you …
First words, First drawings, First tricycle rides,
You were fast, You were so clever, I believed in you …
First big bed, First best friends, First questions,
You were growing, You were wondering, I always answered you…
First symptoms, First pains, First scary thoughts,
You were sick, You were scared, I’d hold on tight to you …
First hospital stay, First MRI, First surgery,
You were hurting, You were brave, I was always amazed by you…
First radiations, First Chemo, First feeding tube,
You were thinner, You were weaker, I was so worried about you…
First bad news, First breakdowns, First hopeless thoughts,
You relapsed, You were so little, I didn’t want to let go of you…
Last steps, Last meals, Last real hugs,
You were in pain, You were fading away, I couldn't believe it was you…
Last smiles, Last words, Last kisses,
You were scared, You were fighting, I couldn't stop looking at you…
Last painful breaths, Last heartbeats, Last bath,
You were gone, You ARE mine, I cant stop thinking of you…
First lonely nights, Last goodbyes, First empty hugs,
You are flying, You are free, And I am left here, without you...