Am I really going to blog?

Official cheerleading photos

2012-01-27T21:23:00.003-05:00

Finally got the disc with Sam's official cheerleading pics. She already can't wait for next year!

Jinxed again!

2012-01-26T20:51:00.003-05:00

I had recently bragged that I hadn't been really sick in quite sometime. Sure, I've had my share of colds but nothing major.

Until, Saturday night. Shouldn't be shocked given the sheer quantity of vomit I cleaned up last week. But still, I was caught off guard.

So much for my speed work-out on Sunday. The only running I was doing was from the couch to the bathroom, then I'd crawl back to my comfy spot under lots of blankets, nod off for a bit until it hit again, seemingly every hour for days and days and days......

Ok, that was an exaggeration. But it was miserable.

I'd like to say that I am all better and back to my routine. But, that would be a lie. I still feel drained. The smell of food disgusts me(hey - this may be my best diet plan yet!). The thought of slipping on those neglected running shoes exhausts me. I have not logged a mile in a full week. I am on my way to breaking my 67-week streak of at least 2 hours of exercise per week. (Thanks to SparkPeople for pointing that out to me!)

So, my goals for the upcoming weekend:
1) eat a regular meal without gagging,
2) lace up the shoes, take a quick nap then hop on the treadmill for a walk
3) take another nap & hope that I can start making up lost ground next week and
4) Pre-register for the Athens Half Marathon! (hey if I can walk a mile this weekend, I should be able to run 13.1 in 9 weeks right???)

Until next time,
Lori

What's up Walt???

2012-01-19T19:51:00.005-05:00

No where near a new idea or question, but the heck did Walt Disney's mother do to him that caused him to kill off every mother in his movies & tv shows?

Belle has always been my favorite princess. I was excited to go see the 3D version of the movie on the big screen. Sami & I went, met some friends, donned our uber-cool glasses and got ready for some great animation & graphics. We both really enjoyed the show. On the way home Sam had 2 questions - 1) Why was it a "G" rated movie when there was beer, fighting, stabbing and death? and 2) What happened to Belle's mommy?

Both really good questions. I didn't have an answer to either.

She then went on to say "What about Nemo's mom?" "Oh yeah, she got ate." "Hannah Montana's mom died too didn't she?"

Yep. So did Bambi's mom, Cinderella's, I'm guessing Snow White but I don't really remember that ever being addressed. Was Full House a Disney Show too?

So many thoughts running through my head now. Like, why is it that single dads are glorified on these shows? They are praised for how much they sacrifice to raise their own children. Single moms on this network, on the other hand, are often judged and criticized when their children's behaviors are not perfect (think Suite Life for example).

Clearly, I am sleep deprived and my brain is fried from all of the chemicals I have been using cleaning the vomit out of my carpet! I think another early to bed night is in store for me!

Until next time,

Lori

********

Mileage update: 79.61 + 21.07 + 24.23= 124.91/1000

Vomit.......

2012-01-19T19:44:00.002-05:00

Fortunately, my Sami does not get sick very often. But when she does..... WOW!

I guess the good news is she did not vomit in my bed in the wee hours of this morning.

The bad news.....

She left a trail of vomit starting at the bottom of the stairs (on tile!), up the carpeted stairs, across the carpeted foyer, through the tile bathroom and all over the toilet. HOLY COW that was a lot to clean up at 3:00 am.

So, after a very long night, I am now climbing into bed at 7:50 pm..... Here's hoping for a vomit-free night!

Until next time,
Lori

Another one off the list!

2012-01-05T21:00:00.003-05:00

Tonight was the Learn to Skate open house at the ice rink. We took Sami to get her signed up & have a little time on the ice. Since I had included ice skating on my list for the year, I decided to hop on too. I have ice skated exactly once in my life. In college. That was what....... 2 or 3 years ago?? :) Glad to say that I didn't fall. I had fun & will do it again! Sami, of course, had a great time. She is really improving & looking forward to her first class this quarter.

Until next time,

Lori

& so it is a New Year

2012-01-04T20:30:00.003-05:00

Doesn't Sam look like she is ready to party???? Despite this bored look she really did have a great time on New Year's Eve spent with her cousins.

She LOVES her new iPod & her new winter hat.

***

List updates:

Mileage: 23 + 18.39 + 20.1 + 18.12 = 79.61/1000 (or approximately 8%) WOW - I have a long way to go!

Items completed: #2, #19, #25, #26

Items in progress: #1, #3, #8, #10, #11, #27

Merry Christmas?

2011-12-25T20:48:00.003-05:00

This is the note that Samantha left for Santa along with the cookies & milk.

***********

Few adults love Christmas as much as my mom. Her Christmas's were over the top. Guess that is where I got it.

Or had it. Nothing has been the same since 2008. Not nearly as Merry, but still have to go on. Still have to make magical holiday memories for Samantha. It is such a stress-filled time - wanting so badly & working so hard to make things perfect. Meanwhile, my heart is breaking. Shopping for one instead of two. Shopping alone instead of with my mom. No family portraits because one is always missing.

I was 8 or 9 in this pic:

Christmas 1999 - Cameron was overwhelmed with the tree, the lights, the presents.

Christmas 2004. Cameron thought if he slept in front of the tree, he'd catch Santa. Good thing he was a deep sleeper otherwise I would have been busted!

Christmas 2005:

Christmas 2011.

It's now almost 10 p.m. I've had too much to eat, too much to drink, too many tears. I am exhausted. Maybe a good night's sleep will help. Tomorrow is a new day & time to start shopping for Christmas 2012.

******

List & mileage updates next time.

Lori

My nails & a mileage update

2011-12-11T11:39:00.006-05:00

Emily did my nails last night - painted little snowmen on each one. I have never been artistic, but Emily & Samantha both are I love reaping the rewards of their efforts!

******

Last week: 18.83 + 4.17 = 23/1000 (or according to my Garmin goal site 2%) WOW! This feels so overwhelming. Maybe I'll feel better once I get to 100......According to my math, I am already a few miles behind.

Until next time,

Lori

Off to a good start!

2011-12-04T14:29:00.003-05:00

I have already completed 2 of my goals for the year! I was able to cut about 2 minutes off my time from last year's Jingle Bell Run & for the first time ever I came in ahead of all the walkers! May not seem like a big deal but it sure is to me! Those speed walkers are very fast & it has been my goal from the start to get ahead of them. May never happen again, but it happened once & I have a witness!

***********

Goals complete: 2/39

Mileage: 4.17/1000 (WOW! I have a long way to go!)

Until next time,

Lori

What a year!

2011-12-01T21:10:00.002-05:00

I have had a great year!

Last year just before my birthday I decided to make a list of things that I wanted to do before my next birthday. It seemed a bit silly at first but I kept at it. Then, the list started to keep me focused and I realized that these little goals were starting to add up and I was starting to feel accomplished!

Not all of them were big, in fact some were quite ordinary (like cleaning out some closets, riding my bike), others were more adventurous (like zip lining and competing in a variety of running events) and some were just for fun (pedicure, massage, drinking my 1st beer). But one I feel is monumental! I set the goal of running 600 miles. There were times that I felt that was way out of reach but I kept chugging along. I added up my mileage today - i can hardly believe i logged 913.33 miles! There was only one thing I didn't accomplish completely - my church attendance was not what it should have been! Wonder if I get any extra credit for reading the Old Testament?

What I know is that without the list I might have done some of these things this year, but there is a very good chance I would not have had so many great experiences or made so many new friends. I hope I can continue to do some of the things I started like blogging, keeping up with photos, donating blood......

A few photos from my 38th year:

This was taken at the 2010 Jingle Bell Run:
The 2010 Mother's Day 5K:

Ziplining at Hocking Hills:

Finish line of the Columbus Half Marathon:

2011 Turkey Trot

Tonight, on the eve of my 39th birthday I have been pondering what to do about this next year. Should I make another list? Should I just identify a few things because I don't know that I can make a list of 40 new items?!?!

Because I feel so succesful from last year, I decided to start writing down some ideas - up to 26 so far. I hope to get this finished by the end of the weekend. Would love to get some suggestions from friends to finish it up. Here is a sampling of what I have right now:

* Jog 1,000 miles (eek! that is nearly 20 miles EVERY week!)

* Complete the Athens Half Marathon in April

* Organizing closets & cupboards

* Decreasing time in a few other races like the Chik-Fil-A & Mother's Day 5K

* Trying a new recipe every month

* Shedding a few more pounds

* Read the New Testament & try again with the church stuff

* Fundraising & other charitable donations

* Sponsoring a child through a program like World Vision

* Bowling, tennis, roller skating

* Spa day with Samantha

* Lunch with Sam at her school

Thanks to everyone who supported & encouraged this endeavor. I would encourage everyone to make their own lists, maybe to start on your birthday or at the New Year. It can be a lot of fun.

Until next time,

Lori

Busy weekend!

2011-11-14T07:22:00.003-05:00

On Saturday morning, I was able to have breakfast with some old friends. It was great seeing them and having a chance to catch up. It had been years since I had seen 2 of them, but some things never change and it was like old times again.

Then, off to a birthday party. One of my nephews turned 5!

Samantha LOVES Emily.

Finally, it was the Fall Sports Banquet where the girls got their trophies for cheerleading. Sam is very proud of her trophy & plans to take it to school this week for show & tell.

The final award of the evening was "The Cameron Brown Courage Award." I was too far away to get a good picture, but in the top right corners of the certificates you can see Cameron's #2. Cam's coach was unable to present, still too teary to talk about Cam publicly. Made me cry too. Next year, Samantha wants to be part of the presentation.

***********
Mileage: 28.29 + 14.44 = 42.73 for a grand total of 859.43!!!

***********

Samantha is turning 8 tomorrow! Cannot believe how time has flown with her. Will be taking cookies down to her class & then off to Justice for some shopping. Another pool party on Saturday. Will be posting more pictures!

**********

Until next time,
Lori

3 years....

2011-10-30T21:07:00.001-04:00

I never really understood the expression of "time flying by" until now. How can is possibly be 3 years?

My half marathon pictures

2011-10-28T21:07:00.005-04:00

**********

List updates! Only about a month left!

Mileage update: 19.38 + 11.34 + 28.18 + 27.68 = 86.58 for a grand total of 816.70!

Items completed: 32/39

#1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10, #11, #13, #14, #15, #16, #17, #19, #20, #21, #22, #23, #24, #25, #26, #29, #30, #31, #33, #34, #35, #38, #39

Items in progress: 4/39

#18 (organizing photos), #27 (Turkey Trot - I'm registered!), #28 (not gonna tell!), #36 (this one either....)

Items left to start! 3/39

#12 (bake a pie), #32 (food pantry donations), #37 (clean out hall closet!)

************

Until next time,

Lori

I am a 1/2 Marathoner!!

2011-10-19T19:17:00.005-04:00

Can hardly believe it myself, but WE DID IT!!!& it was a FABULOUS experience! All of that training really paid off - despite technical difficulties (my iPod fizzled so I had no music!) I felt great during the race. I will so do that again! In fact, I am seriously looking at the Athens Half-Marathon in April 2012.

I saw a shirt at the Expo that really cracked me up - it said something like "Half Marathoner - I don't go all the way!" Would have bought it, but didn't seem appropriate for a middle-aged mom!

*****
"If you know someone who has lost a child, and you're afraid to mention them because you think you might make them sad by reminding them that they died --you're not reminding them. They didn't forget they died. What you're reminding them of is that you remembered that they lived, and that is a great gift."
~ Elizabeth Edwards

Been too busy running to blog!

2011-10-01T19:35:00.005-04:00

It is ice skating season again! Sam loves to be out there. She is learning to skate on one foot & to go backwards. I'll be spending hours at the rink between now & April.

For the high school homecoming game on 9/23, all of the FH cheerleaders were out there for the 1st quarter - kindergarten through 12th grade. There were a lot of them! Sam was one of the smallest ones, which put her in the front row!

Gina & I got in another 5k - our first since May. We are not good hot-weather runners! We prefer the cooler days of fall & spring. We only have 2 weeks left until our first-ever half marathon!

Sami has been working hard on her toe-touches. Only 2 more games left!
There was a bit of school drama earlier this month when the school was fortunate enough to hire a 3rd teacher for the 2nd grade. Unfortunately she was picked for the new class & most of her friends were not. After a couple of weeks she has settled in nicely, won an award for being a good listener & made some new friends. WHEW!

******

List updates - I only have 2 months left!

Mileage updates: 25.63 + 41.5 (SERIOUSLY!) + 29.03 = 96.16 over the last 3 weeks for a grand total of 732.12!!!

Items completed: 27/39

#1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #7, #8, #10, #13, #14, #15, #17, #19, #20, #21, #22, #23, #25, #26, #29, #30, #31, #33, #34, #35, #38, #39

Items in progress: 8/39

#6, #9, #11, #16, #18, #24, #28, #36

Items left to start! 4/39

#12, #27, #32, #37

Until next time!

Lori

tired!

2011-09-10T18:09:00.004-04:00

I am feeling exhausted tonight, so this will be short & sweet.

Mileage this week: 30.1 for a grand total of 635.96! It had been my intention to run at least 10 miles today, but decided to call it quits after 7. It felt like I was running in concrete. No sense in pushing too hard and hurting myself this close to the half-marathon.

******

Today was the 2nd Annual Sunshine 5K & Kids Dash. I didn't run this year, but rather took photos for my friend who is the organizer. The $$ goes to an organization that buys supplies for orphanages in Russia (& a few other countries). Great cause, beautiful day. Sam & Emily ran it & seemed to have a good time:

Off to watch some "Tangled" before bed. Sami has another game tomorrow so we'll be at the field most of the afternoon. Hope tomorrow's weather is as nice as today's!

Until next time,

Lori

What a great week!

2011-09-03T23:21:00.005-04:00

Mileage this week: 20.27 which officially puts me over the 600 mark for a grand total of 605.86 & 3 months left to go! When I first set this goal, I had real concerns that I would not reach it. I had no idea that I could surpass it!

****

Today, I went to Hocking Peaks Adventures to do their Zipline course with aerial obstacles. It was so much fun! It was hard - some of those obstacles were tough & some were a little scary! At the end, I felt like I had really accomplished something big.

Here are a couple photos:

This pic is really blurry, but the only one I have of the zipping.

I don't know if I could have picked a hotter or more humid day. By the time I was done, my clothes were soaking wet. I'm pretty sure I have ever sweat that much in my life - even during a long run!

Afterwards, Sam & Emily put on a bit of a fashion show:

Getting close to my goal!

2011-08-28T20:54:00.004-04:00

I got in 19.9 miles last week. If I had been paying more attention, I'd have gotten in that last .1 to make it an even 20! My total for the year is now: 585.59! Barring some unforseen injury or illness, I will certainly finish my 600 next week.

*******
Sam's 1st day of school - she wasn't feeling great and was in no mood to pose for pictures. This is the best I could get.

This is the 2nd day of school. She was feeling better and more agreeable.

Today was the 1st game of the season for the Little Lancers. The uniforms are still not ready so the girls wore jersey's again. Sam got to wear Cameron's white one today.

Until next time,

Lori

Fever & Cheer

2011-08-21T19:32:00.006-04:00

Mid-week started with a fever for Samantha. I hate fevers. Even though I know in my head that she is fine, a flash of panic always goes through me when I see the numbers going up on the thermometer. A trip to urgent care, labs, chest x-ray, big gun antibiotics, 2 prescriptions & we were on our way home. Fever was completely gone by Saturday & she was begging to be able to cheer in her first game on Sunday. The morning thunderstorms didn't bode well, but by the time she had to go, the it was sunny & clear, so I agreed to 1/2 the game - no need to tire her out too much.

Sam is on a big squad, 18 girls in all. They don't have enough uniforms for them yet, so the girls are to wear jerseys & shorts until the uniforms are in. We still have Cameron's jerseys, so Sam wore his.

Just before we left:

Getting ready for her 1st cheer:

Still working on her cartwheels and round-offs:

School starts on Tuesday, so tomorrow we are off for mani-pedi's and some last minute shopping.

**** Mileage update:

My biggest week yet (had 2 long runs): 30.85 for a grand total of 565.69.

Until next time,

Lori

Summer is winding down

2011-08-07T10:59:00.005-04:00

Samantha LOVES to have her picture taken. She will pose almost anywhere for a photo-op. She doesn't seem to understand that other kids don't like having their picture taken as much as she does.

This was taken during her last baseball game. She had a couple of nice hits. For her size, she swings really hard.

At the post-game pizza party, she thanked Coach Jason. I wish I could find the photos from 2006 when he brought some OU football players to visit Cameron just before his first transplant.

Samantha is ambivilent about the end of summer. She loves the freedom, but misses her friends. Also, I won't allow her to wear her new school clothes until school actually starts. She has modeled them in our living room over & over & over. We have just a few items left to pick up. Planning that for next week & a mani-pedi before the 1st day. She has never had one before so I may be creating a monster!

******

Mileage for 2 weeks: 26.34 + 23.93 = 534.84. Less than 75 miles to go in 4 months of 1/2 marathon training. I may hit 700 miles! Who knew that I under-estimated this goal!

Until next time,

Lori

List update!

2011-08-03T21:51:00.003-04:00

It's been a couple weeks since I have done a list update so here goes!

Mileage update: 20.86 + 11.85 = 32.71 for a total of 484.57/600!!! Only 115.43 left to go & 4 months to do it! Never would have guessed in December that I set the bar too low!

Items completed 21/39: #1, #2, #3, #5, #7, #8, #10, #13, #14, #15, #17, #19, #20, #22, #23, #29, #30, #31, #33, #34, #39

Items in progress 10/39: #4, #9, #11, #16, #18, #24, #28, #35, #36, #38

WTH???

2011-07-28T20:32:00.004-04:00

Sam on her way to Grandma's house because our air conditioner quit working.

Those who know me well know that "lucky" isn't really a word to describe me/my life.

Our air conditioner quit working on Monday evening. I found this out when we got home from cheerleading practice and a chicken in the oven. We've been staying at the in-laws because it has been so darn hot. I stop by the house every evening after work to pack some clothes, lunch for the next day, etc. Tonight, when I opened the door I was met with a blast of ice cold air! My response was "What the hell???" For some unknown, unexplainable reason, the AC started working. Still going to replace the 35 year old system as it has limped along for years and one should be here in a few days. But it is going to be so nice sleeping in my own bed tonight!

On a sadder note, my friend Connie is retiring effective tomorrow. I'm going to miss her.

Sam's last game of the season was tonight. She really likes baseball and is pretty good at it too.

Until next time,

Lori

Overwhelmed!

2011-07-20T20:41:00.001-04:00

WOW is all I can say! The response to the 1st Annual Cam & Sue's Cancer Sucks 5K was astounding! I want to give a HUGE THANK YOU to oeveryone who helped pull this off - to those who helped brainstorm, to organize, to register and to those who participated. I hope to see you all again next year!

Sam & Emily ran the whole 5K & were having a great time!

As they approach the finish, they are looking tired and serious!

The final few steps!
A family photo

*****

Mileage update: 2 weeks = 17.01 + 20.16 (had to play with my new watch!) = 37.17 or 451.86/600!

Happy 4th of July!

2011-07-03T23:27:00.003-04:00

It started out as a beautiful evening! It wasn't too hot, a bit breezy. The girls were cute & having fun. We took the grill and had a cookout on the side of the road.

Here I am with my girl:

Cute cousins! Emily & Samantha strolling on the bike path. I told Emily to take care of Sam, she always does.

With my niece Emily. She is growing so fast.

Then came the lightening, thunder & the rain. We had to take a break and hop into some cars. I got the 3 little girls. They were singing along with Sam's iPod. They didn't seem to mind the delay at all!

Finally! The fireworks started! This was as still and quiet they have been in ages!

*******************

List update:

Mileage: 21.9 miles this week for a total of 414.69.

Items completed: 18/38

#1, #2, #3, #5, #7, #8, #10, #13, #14, #15, #17, #19, #20, #22, #23, #29, #34, #38

Items in progress: 11/38
#6, #9, #11, #16, #18, #24, #28, #30, #31, #35, #36

Until next time,

Lori

Just a few weeks left.....

2011-06-26T18:03:00.003-04:00

before the 1st Annual Cam & Sue Cancer Sucks 5K. Things are coming together much better than I had hoped. Now, I am only going to worry about weather and hope that people actually show up!

If you are interested in participating, email me for a registration form @ lori.a.brown1@gmail.com or download one at https://sites.google.com/site/camsuecancersucks5/

**************

A few pics from a birthday party:

Sam & her cousin like to whip their hair! That song is enough to make me run screaming from the room!

With Granda Charlie:

****

Mileage update: 14.15 this week for a grand total of: 392.79!

Plan to invest in a GPS-type watch as my $7 Walmart stop watch has stopped running (imagine that!). Any suggestions? I've read that Garmin & Polar are both good brands, but there are so many choices and if I am going to spend that much $$ I don't want to make the wrong choice.

Has it been 2 weeks??

2011-06-19T20:26:00.002-04:00

A lot has happened in the past two weeks.

First, my dad had quintuple bypass surgery. I didn't even know that was possible. I thought quadruple was the most you could have. He came through it just fine. Luckily, he has never had a heart attack so his heart muscle is very strong. So glad they were able to catch it before he did have one. He is looking forward to getting his 200 staples out on Tuesday.

Because he had done so well & because we had already paid, we went on our beach vacation. Here are some pics of that:

Me & my little hula girl:

Sam enjoying the ocean:

Braving a boogey board again -first time in 2 years:

She LOVED those goggles!

Exhausted after days of staying up too late, lots of time in the water & eating junk! Getting ready to leave for home:

It is good to be home! Too bad I have to go back to work tomorrow.....

***** List updates *****

2 weeks of mileage: 15.5 + 12.1 (got in 3 runs on the beach!) for a grand total of: 378.64

Items completed: 17/38

#1, #2, #3, #5, #7, #8, #10, #13, #14, #15, #19, #20, #22, #23, #29, #34, #38

Items in progress: 10/38

#9, #11, #16, #17, #18, #24, #28, #31, #35, #36

Just mileage today.....

2011-06-05T18:14:00.001-04:00

20.68 this week for a total of 351.04.

************

Memorial Day Fun

2011-05-30T21:14:00.003-04:00

Sam had a great day today, most of it spent in the water.

*****

List Update:

Mileage update: 15.68 this week for a grand total of 360.36.

Items completed: 17/38

#1, #2, #3, #5, #7, #8, #10, #13, #14, #15 (finally a clean car!), #19, #20, #22, #23, #29, #34, #38

Items in progress: 10/38
#6, #9, #11, #16, #17, #18, #24, #28, #35, #36

Until next time,

Lori

Feeling accomplished!

2011-05-22T20:15:00.002-04:00

Yesterday was the Chik-Fil-A 10k in Parkersburg. I was no where near ready last year. Wasn't so sure this year because this is a hilly course. But, we did it! It was sunny & hot but the humidity wasn't too bad. Mile 2 was the hardest for me personally but after mile 3 I started feeling pretty good. I was glad to not have to do any walking. This was a great boost to my confidence - I am starting to believe that I can do the half marathon!

*****
Mileage update: 16.5 miles this week for a grand total of 344.68.

Until next time,
Lori

My rhododendren

2011-05-15T18:06:00.003-04:00

I love this bush. It was here when we bought the house and needed some nursing back to health. It is just starting to bloom. Here are some pics of it from years past:

Sam loved those hideous blue crocs! She wore them everywhere and with everything. I was so glad when she outgrew them!

Cam was always a good sport. He would always stop & pose for my endless photo taking.

*********

Mileage update: 17.6 this week for a total of 328.18!

Until next time,

Lori

Happy Mother's Day

2011-05-08T21:37:00.003-04:00

Another bittersweet holiday in my world. Love spending it with my girl. Miss my boy and my mom.

For the 2nd year in a row, a good friend & I paarticipated in the RCR Mother's Day 5k. It was a beautiful day. A little hot and humid, but sunny and bright.

My approach to the finish line:

My monkey played in a tree while I was running!

She recently heard the Willow song "Whip my Hair" and has been doing her best impersonation:

After dinner:

***********

List updates:

15.9 miles this week bringing my grand total to 310.58/600! Feels good to be on the downhill slide.

Items complete: 15/38

#1, #2, #3, #5, #7, #8, #13, #14, #19, #20, #22, #23, #29, #34, #38

Items in progress: 11/38
#6, #10, #11, #15, #16, #17, #18, #24, #28, #35, #36
*****

Until next time,

Lori

Can it really be May???

2011-05-01T19:49:00.003-04:00

This week, this month, this year have really flown by! Hard to believe that it is already May 1st!

Now that my new lap-top is up & running well, I uploaded Easter pictures from my camera.

Here is Samantha in her zebra print Easter dress in front of Grandma's bell collection.

Striking a pose:

Trying to look sweet:

Not much else going on to report this week.

*****
Mileage update: huge week (for me) of 21.13 miles. Grand total of 294.68. Tomorrow is my 5 month mark, so I have banked some extra miles and wiith today's + tomorrow's miles should get me over 300 miles so I will be officially half way on miles.

Items completed: 13/38

#1, #2, #3, #5, #7, #8, #14, #20, #22, #23, #29, #34, #38

Items in progress: 13/38

#10, #11, #13, #15, #16, #17, #18, #19, #24, #28, #31, #35, #36

Until next time,

Lori

Happy Easter!

2011-04-24T19:17:00.007-04:00

No pictures today, but trust me that Sam was adorable in her dress! You've all seen her, now just imagine her in this with a black head band and hot pink sandals. Maybe next time.

The reason I don't have pictures today is because my laptop crashed early last week. On Saturday, I trekked off to Best Buy to get a new one. Still working on getting it set up. Important things (like iTunes!) were moved first. Now, thanks to Carbonite, all of my other files are being magically transferred over ina process I don't really understand. All I know is I paid $50 a few months ago. Clicked some buttons last night and files are slowly showing up. According to the update bar, it will be "a few days" before the update is complete.

******

On Monday, a friend and I made a trip to Children's Hospital to deliver some donations that 2 troops of daisy scouts collected. There were lots of toys, games and art supplies for the sibling club house. This was a place where Samantha spent many, many hours. We also had cases of girl scout cookies for the oncology unit. Finally, we had a few items for the Ronald McDonald House. While there, we got a tour and I got to see some of the changes they have made over the past couple of years. As expected, it was bittersweet. It is nice to see the people and places, but hard none the less. Lots of memories in all of those areas.

******

Another friend and I are organizing The Inaugural Cancer Sucks 5K Fun Run/Walk which will be held on Saturday July 16, 2011. This race is designed to honor the memories of Cameron and my friend's wife Susan Ipacs. Proceeds from this event will benefit the Leukemia Research Fund at Nationwide Children's Hospital and the Melanoma Research Foundation. Look here for more information or on facebook. Also, you can email me for a registration form.

******

Mileage update:
I got in 12.28 miles this week for a total of 273.55.

I haven't done a good job tracking other goals in my book, but will have a better update on them for next week.

Until next time,
Lori

I stink at writing titles......

2011-04-17T17:21:00.005-04:00

“The principle is competing against yourself. It’s about self-improvement, about being better than you were the day before.”

*************

Really. I have no idea what to title these posts.....

Samantha's ice show was last night. This year's theme was "Off the Red Carpet." Her group skated to a song from Hairspray. She has such a great time on the ice. She is already looking forward to next year's lessons.

Just before leaving for the rink: Waiting for the show to start. We had to be there 1 hr & 15 minutes early. Then the show was late. And long. It was 10:30 before we left. She was thrilled that friend from school came to watch her.

After the show, all of the kids get to go back out on the ice for a finale and to get flowers from their supporters. Samantha and Emily were proud of their arm-loads.

This morning, I was up bright and early for a 5K. With my friend Erin at the finish:

Shock! I came in 2nd place in my age group! Doesn't say good things about the competetion.....

*****************

Mileage update:

16.65 for the week bringing the grand total to: 261.27!

Until next time,

Lori

Not very interesting, but some pictures....

2011-04-10T20:35:00.009-04:00

"Everyone is an athlete. The only difference is that some of us are in training and some are not.”

*****

Saturday was a beautiful morning for a run! We competed in the Ribbon Dash 5K & here is the proof:

Just about to cross the finish line:

After the hike back to our cars:

We are getting quite a collection of -shirts at this point. Hoping to get several more before the end of summer.

After cooling off, we went for a drive to scope out the course for the 10K we have registered for in May. I was nearly brought to tears when I saw the enormous hills! Only about a month left to train.... OY VEY!

*****

Another example of Sam's creative fashion:

She LOVES those purple striped tights! ***** Sam this afternoon on our way to a friend's birthday party: Of course, by the time we got there she had shed the tights and changed her shirt!

***** Mileage update: got in an even 12 this week for a grand total of 244.62.

Until next time,
Lori

Hey Eye Doctor! You're not that special!!

2011-04-03T19:34:00.002-04:00

The definition of home? Not where you are from, but rather where you are wanted.

*****

So, I had a dentist appointment this week. It was well past my 6 month cleaning, but not more than a year. First thing the very kind dentist says to me is: "So, how are the kids? Must be getting big now." Here come the tears. Mine & hers. She realized immediately, but a smidge too late. Then she got to tell me that I have a cavity. I get to see her again tomorrow. I am 2/2. Can't wait until my reg dr appt in May. *embarassed*

******

Sam has given up wearing pairs of socks. Not socks mind you, just matching pairs. I have spent a small fortune at Justice on 3 packs of socks. Yes, 3 unmatched knee socks in a pack. 4 packs of them. Lots of socks with no mates in our house. She is loving it. Can't wait to see what the next must-have items are.

******

List updates:

Mileage: got in 15.50 this week for a total of 232.62! I am going to make it!!!

Also, I went roller blading with Samantha on the bike path today. AYE! My calves are hurting from that experience. It has been a very long time since I've roller bladed. We only went about 2 miles before I had to call it quits!

Items completed: 12/38
#1, #2, #3 (rollerblading), #5, #7, #8, #14, #22, #23, #29, #34, #38

Items in progress: 10/38
#10, #11, #15, #16, #17, #18, #24, #28, #35, #36

Until next time,
Lori

Another week gone by.....

2011-03-27T19:00:00.004-04:00

"We either make ourselves happy or we make ouselves miserable. The work is the same."

*****

Today was the last day of spring break for Samantha. She has been begging to see "Rango" so today I relented and we saw an afternoon show. Even she could not give it a thumbs up. She was very disappointed because she was so sure that it would be good.

I have mentioned Sam's sense of style before. It is certainly unusual and ever evolving. She was so proud of this outfit she put together. She was so proud that she wore it Saturday to theDaisy Scout Booth sale at Krogers, asked me to wash it so she could wear it again today to the movies. There are a lot of things I will fight with her about in the years to come. As long as she is appropriately dressed for the weather, I will let her wear just about anything. Here is the proof: The only thing missing in that picture are the Heeley's. She glided through Walmart, Krogers, Taco Bell and the Athena Grand. She was oblivious to the the smiles directed her way. Sometimes, she puts outfits together that are very cute. Here is that proof:

My girl is a handful. She has spirit and personality. She is strong, independent and compassionate. I wouldn't have her any other way.

******

List update:

My feet finally felt good (after a few tired weeks and lots of blisters). Mileage this week: 19.65 for a grand total of: 217.12!

Items comleted: 10/38

#1, #2, #5, #7, #8, #14, #22, #23 (FINALLY finished the Old Testament!), #29, #38

Items in progress: 11/38 #10, #11, #15, #16, #17, #18, #24, #28, #34, #35, #36

Untl next time,

Lori

H-A-W-T

2011-03-21T19:45:00.002-04:00

"The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense."

******
So, today was Samantha's turn with the eye doctor. I had warned them ahead of time about her doctor-phobia and they were prepared. He did not wear his white coat into our exam room. He was friendly and fast. Fortunately, her vision is perfect. She only cried once. Not sobbing, just a couple tears that did not interfere with the exam.

Afterwards, we delivered some girl scout cookies to some friends. She was chatting with a couple new folks, then turned and asked me "can I tell them about the doctor." I thought, sure, what can go wrong here??? She looked at these men she has never met before and said "That doctor was HOT! He had great abs! Right mommy?" My response: WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY???? Yep, her eyes are just fine......

Now we just wait to see if my nerves can take her teenage years!

My sweet little girl:

Until next time,

Lori

Another week of taking it easy....

2011-03-20T15:04:00.002-04:00

Only got in 10.15 miles this week. Grand total of: 197.47/600. My blisters are much better thanks to Bandaids for Blisters! Gonna have to get some new shoes & soon! Plan to pick it back up next week.
****

Girl Scout cookies are in. Have spent days sorting, bagging, delivering and trying to keep track of the money. When this is done, I get to sew on new badges to Sam's uniform. A lot of work for a mom.... Good thing I love those tag-a-longs!

Sam's troop is donating boxes to J5 at Children's Hospital. They are also collecting toys for the sibling clubhouse where Sam spent many, many hours. Will be hauling them up there next month. Sam has a good heart. Hope she doesn't loose it as she morphs into a teenage girl.....

****
Sam's eye appointment is tomorrow morning. Hope hers goes better than mine did! If not, that poor dr may leave Athens! A cousin is going with us so hopefully that will help.

Until next time....
Lori

Boring list update....

2011-03-13T19:12:00.002-04:00

Wasn't at my best this week, mileage was down to 10.48 for a total of 187.32/600. My blisters are better though so hopefully this week will pick back up.

Maybe next time I'll having inspired to say...... probably not, but maybe.....

Lori

Ramblings of a crazy woman......

2011-03-06T19:11:00.002-05:00

There are things we don't want to happen, but have to accept; things we don't want to know, but have to learn, and people we can't live without, but have to let go.

*****

Ramblings of a crazy woman should probably be the new name of my blog.... Seems like I am always a rambling crazy woman.

*****

Sometime over the summer I got a postcard from the eye doctor reminding me to schedule my 2 year appointment. I didn't. Got another reminder a few weeks ago. I called and accepted an appointment with their new doctor. Since I don't really have any eye issues it doesn't really matter to me who I see. (Ha! See!)

So, the new doctor was a young guy who was doing his best to make some small talk. He started by saying "I see you haven't been here since July 2008. I bet you've been too busy having the time of your life to come in here." My reaction: stare at him blankly for nearly a minute, then burst into tears. Poor guy didn't know what to do. I composed myself, explained why I hadn't been having the time of my life, watched him squirm in his chair and then I tried to change the subject. We talked a bit about Samantha and how she has never had a formal eye exam. I told him about her doctor phobia and how she just might burst into tears at the sight of a white coat, adding " I don't know where she gets that." We chuckled and got on with the exam.

I scheduled Samantha's appointment with him hoping to redeem myself a little bit. I hope I didn't forever ruin his bedside manner.

*****

Got in extra miles this week - trying to make up for the bottle of wine and dozen chocolate chip cookies.....

19.95 miles this week for a grand total of 176.84!

My poor feet can really feel it too. I am nursing some ugly blisters on my right foot. If anyone has any suggestions for prevention and/or treatment I am willing to try just about anything!

******

Items completed 9/38:
#1, #2, #5, #7, #8, #14, #22, #29, #38

Items in progress 12/38:
#10, #11, #15, #16, #17, #18, #23, #24, #28, #34, #35, #36

I may actually complete my list!

Until next time,
Lori

12

2011-03-03T13:43:00.003-05:00

"When you feel like giving up, try to remember why you held on so long in the first place."

******

My boy should be 12 today. I should be bickering with my pre-teen about clothes, music, video games, etc.

Instead, I went to the cemetary and sat by his grave. And cried.

Then I came home. And cried.

I thought about making some of his favorite foods tonight for dinner. Cried some more.

Put my pjs back on and poured my first glass of wine.

*****

March 3, 1999

My little fighter from the start. Born 4 weeks early, he spent his first 15 days in the NICU. And I thought that was hard.....

*****

March 3, 2000

My little man turned one! Chubby little guy loved his cake. Looking at him here it is hard to believe he had such a rough start. Hard to believe what was still to come.

*****

March 3, 2003

This was his 4th birthday, deep in the Spiderman phase. AML diagnosis just 3 weeks away....

*****
March 3, 2006

Cam & Ian celebrated their birthdays together this year.

*****
March 3, 2008

In just a few short months, they both wold be gone.

I'm sorry for being so dull.....

2011-02-27T18:17:00.002-05:00

19.08 miles this week for a total of 175.97/600. YAY!

*****

Registered for my next 5K - the Shamrock Run for cancer research in Marietta. Looking forward to getting back outside more often. I seem to go faster and farther on the bike path than I do on the treadmill.

Until next time,
Lori

Update time again.....

2011-02-20T19:13:00.002-05:00

Not a lot new to post about today. No new drama in the Barbie Dream House......

Was able to get outside for a run with a friend today. It was brisk but felt really good. Glad it didn't start snowing until we finished out cool down walk!

*****

18.5 miles this week for a grand total of 156.89/600!

I'm surprised to be doing this well. I am 11 weeks in and have banked 13 extra miles - a whole week's worth! - for an emergency, vacation or burn-out! A month ago I had serious doubts if I could make it. Now, I'm feeling fairly confident.

*****

Didn't get to mark anything else off the list this week so last week's totals still stand: 8/38 completed; 10/38 in progress.

'Til next time,
Lori

Poor Ken......

2011-02-17T19:32:00.002-05:00

Last night, Samantha was playing with her Barbie Dream House. She is very creative with her play. Unfortunately, a lot of Samantha's dolls have medical issues and doctor's appointments. S0, Ken & Barbie were having a serious conversation. Ken was telling Barbie that he has a dr's appt tomorrow.
* Barbie, being histrionic, got upset and said "Oh No Ken! Are you sick? Is it serious?"
* Ken replied, "Yes Barbie, it is serious."
* Barbie: "What is it?!?"
* Ken: "Barbie, I have ED."

My head must have whirled! I too loudly asked "Ken has what???" Sam was calm. "He has ED. Men go to the dr for that you know. I saw it on tv." She then asked "what is ED?" I said "Don't know. Ask your dad."

I am SO gonna have my hands full with this one!

A "junk"y post.....

2011-02-13T20:11:00.002-05:00

First, I know that Samantha watches too much Nickelodeon. I let her watch of a morning before school, after she is ready. They play a lot of current music on there and she is constantly asking for songs to be added to her iPod. (I'm just not catching on that Nick plays the sanitized version of these songs!) So, a few weeks ago she asked for "Tik Tok." Her 11 year old cousin loves the song too, so I bought it and loaded it to her iPod. Yesterday, she comes to me, very serious, "Why would a boy even want to touch my junk. It's junk right? I don't get it." Oy vey! Need to get rid of that song & FAST!

*****

Had another good mileage week. Trying really hard to build myself a buffer.

Samantha was helpful in this too. She decided that I don't run fast enough on the treadmill so she got behind the treadmill, on her hands and knees, and started barking like a dog. She thought if a dog was chasing me, I'd really get moving! Ha! What a funny kid.

This weeks totals (includes 6 miles of walking, but I'm counting it!): 17.89 for a grand total of 137.89/600!

*****

Items completed: 8/38

#1, #2, #5, #7,#8, #14, #29, #38

*****

Items in progress: another 10/38!
#10 (registered for a 1/2 marathon!), #11, #16, #17, #18, #22, #23, #28, #34, #35, #36

My list updates.....

2011-02-06T18:45:00.002-05:00

If you don't know where you are going, you will probably end up somewhere else!

******

Had a good week for mileage with 19.32! This brings me to a total of 120/600. I'm trying to build a cushion just in case I get sick, hurt, burned out or take a vacation!

*****
Overall, doing ok. completed 7/38.
Items completed: #1, #7, #8, #14, #22, #29, #38

I have many projects or multiple time items, so to give myself some extra credit:
Items started: #5, #11, #16, #17, #18, #23

Had to pull up my big girl pants today......

2011-02-04T20:47:00.002-05:00

I would much rather have stayed in bed on this cold morning. Instead, I knew that I had to do the right thing. Our friends lost their son last Saturday. His funeral was this morning. We had spent many months together at Children's Hospital as their son was having BMT the same time as Cameron. This scene has replayed too many times. Too many young lives lost to cancer. Thank goodness some friends saw me sitting alone and allowed me to join them in their row. So, to them I give my sincere thanks.

Please keep Matthew's family in your prayers during this most difficult time: www.caringbridge.org/visit/matthewbarr

Dora's Revenge!

2011-01-30T19:35:00.002-05:00

A few days ago, Samantha suddenly declared "Dora is dead to me." The very next morning, she woke up with a stomach bug. 48 hours of vomitting. In my bed in the middle of the night. Everywhere. Coincidence? I'm thinking Dora/Diego are very powerful.

**********************

Very early Friday morning (like 3am), I had stripped & cleaned my bed, started washing the bedding, cleaned the bathroom, washed puke out of Sam's hair and got her back to sleep on the couch. I, on the other hand, was wide awake. So, I decided to spend some time with my Kindle (which I happen to LOVE!). But, it would not turn on. I could get the screensaver, but it was otherwise frozen. Amazon customer service advertises 24-hour assistance so I called them up. Mind you I am near tears because I was exhausted, half sick myself from the cleaning up I had done and frustrated/worried that my precious Kindle was broken. I got a very sweet customer service rep who talked me through and talked me down. After 15 minutes or so, she figured it out and my Kindle was up & running. She paused a moment and stated "Oh, I see you are reading the Holy Bible." Half question, half statement. I could have tried to explain to her my birthday list and how I decided to read the Old Testament. Instead, I realized that I already sound like a lunatic in the middle of the night who is in tears because I can't read the bible. I thanked her and hung up.

*****************
Speaking of the birthday list:

Mileage tracking: I had a great week! 21.38 for a total of 100.68/600! I am back on track!

Completed: 5/38.

Until next time,
Lori

January 25

2011-01-25T20:21:00.002-05:00

January 25, 2007 was a day filled with so much hope. It was the day of Cameron's first bone marrow transplant. I believed it would work. I still can't believe that it didn't.

Samantha just before going to the OR to donate her cells. She was very brave.

This is Sam's bone marrow being hooked up.

These are her cord blood cells going in.

Sam upon return from the OR.

Cam after his nap.

***********************

Samantha came home the other day sobbing. The kind of sobbing where I had absolutely no idea what she was saying for more than 10 minutes. Finally she said "I miss my bubby!" When she calmed down, she told me about an incident where she was accidentally knocked into. She said "if Bubby was here it wouldn't have happened. He wouldn't let it." She knows that he was her protector. No matter what I do, I cannot fill those shoes. He offered her a sense of peace and comradarie that I cannot match. I wish I knew what to do, or at least knew that I wasn't totally screwing her up.

Another boring post....

2011-01-23T17:55:00.002-05:00

"The true measure of an individual is how he treats a person who can do him absolutely no good."

*************

I promise to do something interesting next week! Right now things have just been sailing along. Nothing special happening. Nothing bad happening either. I am just plugging along with life and my list. Sam spent the night with the cousins last night, so I got in some quality reading, sorting, getting rid of junk that she calls her treasures.

*************
Mileage tracking 13.1 this week/ 79.3 miles overall. Only 520.7 left to go. That feels overwhelming.

4/38 items completed:
#1, 11, 14, 17

I have identified many things that I plan to do multiple times like donate blood 5 times. I am 1/5 there! So, while it may not look like I am making great progress, many of my other items are started. I plan to start my 1/2 marathon training as soon as school lets out as it is easier for me to do first thing of a morning. I am looking at an October race so plenty of time to get ready for it.

Not a real update.....

2011-01-17T18:55:00.003-05:00

Just documenting my progress on my birthday list:

Mileage tracking: 10.8 miles this week (66.2/600 overall). Did an exercise dvd 2x this week which led to decreased mileage. Hoping this really picks up as we move more into spring and 5K season!

Finished The Scarlett Letter. Not an easy read. Not unpleasant, but had a hard time getting into it.

Totals so far: 2/38

Not much to report.....

2011-01-09T20:35:00.003-05:00

Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but doesn't get you anywhere.

***************

My birthday list update:

I've only officially marked off 1 item from my list (1/38) - competing in the 2010 Jingle Bell Run. I've got several items started. Really need to get busy on this if I am going to finish them all before the next birthday. I shouldn't have included so many projects. Valuable lesson learned for next year's list!

Mileage tracking: 17.2 miles this week - total 55.4/600 - still a very long way to go!

As for other items, I am half way through "The Scarlet Letter," closet is mostly organized, I've gotten through one box (of 5) of pictures.

*************

I feel like we are still digging out from Christmas. Samantha's Barbie Dream House is still in the living room with naked Barbies strewn about. I just noticed a Nativity Scene in the far corner. Need to get that packed away.....

So, this was just some ramblings with nothing important or interesting to say.... But, at least I am getting back in the swing of being a blogger again.

Until next time,
Lori

I'm still here.....

2011-01-02T13:41:00.004-05:00

It has been forever. It's not that I have been particularly busy. Just disorganized and unfocused. I'd have intentions on writing something, but never really get around to it. I'm not going to recap the last 6 months. Just start writing anew.

I had a birthday last month. I convinced some friends that it would be a good idea to set goals for ourselves to accomplish before our next birthdays. Many, Many goals. One for each year that we are about to turn. Not going to write the exact number here. Many of you already know..... The social worker in me wanted to make sure that my goals are clearly defined and easily measurable (like a treatment plan!). A few of mine include:

1) Blog at least once per month.
2) Drink a beer - something I have never done! Hard to believe I went to OU.....
3) Organize photos.
4) Read a classic novel.
5) Log 600 miles on either bikepath or treadmill (got to get moving on this - literally! I am only at 38.2/600).
6) Complete a half marathon.
7) Bake a pie.
and on & on & on & includes things like cleaning, painting, volunteering, donating.....

This is not a bucket list. Nothing spectatular on here. Nothing that cannot be eaily accomplished if I stay on track.

***********************

A few photos from the past months....

Samantha & me on Thanksgiving. I have so much to be thankful for and she is #1 on my list.

Me & my friend at 3 of our runs this fall. Runs. HAHAHAHA. We finished all of them! There are lots of races on my list for next year....

Today's thought: You can't do anything about the length of your life but you can do something about its width and depth.

Lori

Thought of the day

2010-06-17T19:06:00.001-04:00

Why be saddled with this thing called life expectancy?

Of what relevance to an individual is such a statistic?

Am I to concern myself with an allotment of days I never had and was never promised?
Must I check off each day of my life as if I am subtracting from this imaginary hoard?

No, on the contrary, I will add each day of my life to my treasure of days lived. And with each day, my treasure will grow, not diminish.

~Robert Brault

Thought for today

2010-06-05T10:04:00.002-04:00

A friend once sent me a book "Shelter from the Storm." It took me a while to get to it. I had so many to read and so little motivation. Looking back I wish I would have read this one sooner, not nearly 20 months later. The quote that spoke to me was:

"When parents are told that their child will surely die, their grief is shattering. Most people say it is the worst thing that can happen in the human experience. So I tell you now what you most likely cannot believe, but what is mercifully true: You can survive. Your life will be permanently changed, and grief will always be part of it. But you will be okay. You will get through this, and there will be help from many directions."

Another Saturday....

2010-05-15T19:43:00.004-04:00

another t-ball game. It was a beautiful day for baseball, no tornado like winds we had last week.

Beautiful blue eyes:

Last minute instructions from the coach:

Not her fault that she missed this one! She would have to be 6 feet tall to reach it....

Running home:

Hysterical? Humiliating?

2010-05-12T21:40:00.002-04:00

Better left un-posted???? All of the above (& more!)

Barely making it across the finish line!

t-ball

2010-05-08T18:33:00.007-04:00

Seems as though Samantha has gotten over her blip in the road. We had a few rough days, now back to whatever you want to call normal. Thanks for all of the ideas and support. I imagine that we will have many more "blips" in the years to come and each one will likely catch me by surprise.

Samantha said she wanted to play t-ball this year. I was skeptical, but signed her up anyway. She LOVES it! I let her choose what # she wanted on her jersey. She chose #2. That was always Cameron's jersey #.

Today was the first game. It was so windy & cold. She didn't complain at all. She made 5 outs in the field & only knocked down one other player! (Actually, that little girl tripped over her own feet just as Sam tagged her.)

When we were buying gear to practice at home, Samantha just HAD TO HAVE this bat. She kept saying "but this one is pretty!"

Here she is in serious discussion with her coach. She loves him. He is very patient and kind to her.

Here she is running a bit like her mom with arms flailing! If you look closely you can see that her fingernail polish is the same bright orange as her shirt.

Actually, she is quite fast with a nice stride. This is a trip from 2nd to 3rd.

Thanks for looking!
Lori

Samantha

2010-04-13T20:30:00.003-04:00

has been crying at school. Her teacher called & said that she was sobbing in the classroom. Sam says she misses Cameron. She says that she doesn't want to go to gym class because "that's were Bubby's funeral was." Again, trying not to over-react, I asked that they call her 6th grade cousin to talk to her & if that didn't work, then to call me back & I would come to the school. They never called. It was a long afternoon of wondering and worrying. When I got home, she was painting her nails. We made cookies and talked a while. I think she is just starting to understand the permanancy of death and to feel the impact of her losses. She took 2 huge blows in one month. Now, she hears us talking of friends and family who have various illnesses and injuries and she wonders about their fates. She is worried, but doesn't have the vocabulary to express her fears. She is afraid, but can't express what she is afraid of. I know that children re-experience losses as they mature so this will be a re-occuring theme for us. I hope I am able to recognize if or when it is time to seek outside professional help. For now, I think we can manage it ok. I hope I'm not wrong. Again.

Happy Easter

2010-04-04T18:00:00.001-04:00

I hope everyone had a nice holiday.

March 25

2010-03-25T18:49:00.005-04:00

It was 7 years ago today that Cameron was first diagnosed with leukemia. Just one day before he was riding his scooter along the back porch. 36 hours later he was in the ICU, then his heart stopped beating. They brought him back that night and my little tropper handled the chemo so well. But, the cancer just kept coming back until his body was too tired to fight. I am so proud of him. I miss everything about him.

This first picture was taken 3/24/03 - on his scooter.

A picture says a 1000 words.....

2010-03-16T18:49:00.002-04:00

.

2010-03-04T21:48:00.002-05:00

So yesterday should have been Cameron's 11th birthday. In many ways this year's birthday was harder/more emotional than last year's. I'm thinking that is because I was still so numb last year. So, I kept it low key. Took some flowers and balloons to the cemetary. Had some wings & pizza at home. I have a handful of video games that I'll be taking to the hospital in the next week or so. I'm tired.

Samantha says.....

2010-03-02T20:39:00.000-05:00

"Mommy, your butt is hard as a rock!"

Greatest compliment ever!

Been a long while....

2010-02-16T20:20:00.002-05:00

Hello friends. I guess I didn't realize how long it has been since I posted here. It wasn't until I got comments and emails from a number of individuals that it dawned on me. Time sure has flown. I wish I could say that it was because I was having fun.....

We made it through our second Christmas. Hard, but probably not as hard as the first. This was in part due to a positive home pregnancy test from just a few days earlier. I had a renewed sense of hope. It felt very much meant to be because 1) it was Christmas and 2) I was due on my mom's birthday in August. It was, however, not meant to be. Sometimes, hope is not good. (Please don't flame me for that one.) A month later came the heart breaking news that the baby no longer had a heart beat (it was there just one week before). Next was surgery with the hopes that some genetic testing could offer some insight as this was my 8th (yes I said 8th) pregnancy. None of the previous testing has provided any answers, but who knows what might change? Recovery was long & hard for me physically more so than emotionally this time. General anesthesia always takes a big toll on me. That combined with more than expected blood loss left me down for the count for days and only recently have I gotten back some of my energy. Emotionally, I have a different sense of what is too bad and what is devastating. This was not even close to being the worst thing that has happened to me. After a week or so of complete withdrawal from all friends and most family, I started coming back out of my shell of self-pity and re-entering the real world. Though, on my first day back to work I stayed in my office all day with the door mostly closed. I can certainly put on a brave face, but as soon as someone shows some empathy or, heaven forbid give me hug, I completely crumble.

As for Sam, she is doing well. She is loving kindergarten and has learned so much this year. Though, due to the weather she has hardly been to school since Christmas break and it is not looking good for tomorrow either. Her favorite Christmas gifts this year were a pair of rollerskates from grandpa, a "grown up" digital camera from Cameron and a BFC doll from santa. She said that mommy gives "boring" gifts like books and clothes. Sam did have a sinus infection last week. Whenever she has a fever I have near breakdowns and look her over completely for bruises, etc. Wonder if that ever ends? I'm thinking not.

Cameron's 11th birthday is rapidly approaching. I haven't decided exactly how we are going to mark it this year, most likely something lower key than last year. I am however collecting Wii & PlayStation2 games again this year. I have several from Christmas so I thought those combined with some from his birthday might make a good donation to J5. Samantha also wants to gather some art supplies so I'll take those too if you are interested in donating. You can reach me at home, by cell or email if I need to pick something up from you.

I guess that is it for now, will try to update again soon with birthday details.

Lori

************
My thought of the day:

I always thought that holding on was the strongest thing a person could do, now I see that it is letting go that takes an enormous amount of courage & strength.

************

Some pics of Sam:

my message of the day....

2009-12-01T21:01:00.000-05:00

"today you have a cause for celebration. Today, you should celebrate what an unbelievable life you have had so far: the accomplishments, the many blessings, and, yes, even the hardships because they have served to make you stronger. Just as a gem cannot be polished without friction, nor can a life be perfected ..."

Pool Party

2009-11-21T20:06:00.002-05:00

Today was Samantha's birthday party. We rented a local indoor pool and it was much nicer than I expected. The water was warm, the kids had a great time & now Sam is sleeping soundly @ 8:15. Nothing like hours in the water to wear a girl out. Fortunately with the floaties and the shallow end, I did not have to get in the pool. I am way too pale to be in a bathing suit this time of the year.

Lori

Samantha's big day

2009-11-15T21:26:00.002-05:00

I got the rest of Sam's birthday pictures today. Here are 3 of my favorites.

So, the cake is a sorry excuse. This is why walmart makes my cakes Sam wanted to stack a round cake with 2 different sized cupcakes. Took a lot of icing and the cupcakes kept sliding. Wasn't pretty but tasted good.

Sam saw this doll a few weeks ago and has been begging for it since. Of course I had to get it for her and gave it to her from Cameron. (I've kept open his bank account and use his debit card to buy her birthday and Christmas gifts from him.)

She is sound asleeo beside me now hugging that doll.

Can't believe tomorrow is Monday already. Where did the weekend go?!?!

Happy Birthday Samantha

2009-11-15T13:43:00.003-05:00

My little Princess is 6 today!

Her 1st birthday:

Her 2nd birthday, with Cameron & Ian at McDonalds:

Her 3rd birthday was celebrated as best we could at Children's Hospital.

Her 4th birthday - she must have had a big wish that year!

Her 5th birthday was a big surprise party.

Will post 6th birthday pics in a few.

Lori

Be the Match

2009-11-11T15:17:00.002-05:00

Joining the National Bone Marrow Registry is free until the end of 2009. Visit: www.bethematch.org for more information. You could be the one who saves a life.

My family

2009-11-11T07:55:00.002-05:00

has suffered another loss. My cousin's son (age 21) was killed in a MVA. I am leaving shortly to be with them.

Birthday pictures

2009-11-10T01:41:00.004-05:00

I can't sleep. Again. So I decided to check my email. I am glad that I did because I received a sampling of Sam's birthday pictures taken last weekend. I can't wait to see the finished product.

1st Annual Cameron Brown Courage Award

2009-11-08T18:40:00.002-05:00

Tonight was the annual football banquet. They presented a new award at the ceremony tonight - The Cameron Brown Courage Award given for "Never Giving Up." I didn't go, but have heard about it from a few people and my brother has it on video. The coach apparently had a hard time presenting the award, he kept tearing up and finally said "I can't do this" and just announced the winners - one for each team. The 3rd/4th grade winner was the first girl to play. The 5th/6th grade winner was one of Cameron's friends who happened to be the littlest one on the team but he never quit trying. The difference he made in this world makes me very proud.

Saturday photos

2009-11-07T17:35:00.003-05:00

Taken today after the 5K

I wish I had eyelashes like Sam

Me & my girl at my nephew's 3rd birthday party

Category: What was I thinking?!?!?

2009-11-07T11:22:00.002-05:00

For some insane reason I thought registering for a 5K was a good idea. It's only 3.1 miles right? I can do that..... As the day approached, I got more & more nervous. Seriously, what was I thinking. I am not a runner. I am not a jogger.

So, today was the big day. I had 2 goals going in 1) finish and 2) not be last. Turns out, I was first in my (old) age group! Even got a medal. Granted, there was not a load of competition, but hey, it's a start.

Now, I am sitting with my feet up and that is the extent of my plans for the rest of the day. I can barely walk!

My girl....

2009-11-01T16:01:00.002-05:00

is turning 6 soon! She had birthday pictures today - the first ones we've had taken outside. I was nervous about scheduling them because the weather is so unpredictable, but it was a beautiful afternoon. I can't wait to get them back. The lady had good ideas and took loads of pics. Sam, of course, was in her modeling mood and posing all over the park.

We got there a little early, so I snapped a few while we were waiting.

She keeps saying that she wants to get her hair cut. I've relented and told her that next week we could get 2-3 inches cut off. I won't give more than that. I think she would regret it.

We are in birthday party planning mode. We are planning a pool party for 11/21. Her invitations came late last week so I need to get those moving. I've drafted my nephews to blow up all 20 floaties and 20 beach balls. I hope to hear back from the life guards this week too.

Off to play barbies & paint fingernails....

Trick or Treat

2009-10-31T08:09:00.002-04:00

It's been a little while since I posted a Marley picture. This was taken last week. Marley has long passed up Sam in size. Sam maintains the prize for volume!

Thursday night was Trick or Treat for our area. Sam dressed as Hannah Montana.

Here she is with Christian and Emily.

The gathering of the candy is where her fun lies. She doesn't really like to eat candy (just Hershey bars and Hershey kisses), but that didn't stop her from getting her bucket full.

It was a long night with a lot of walking.

So this is it

2009-10-30T11:22:00.004-04:00

The one year anniversary. Not sure how I am going to make it through the day. I think this picture of Sam is a pretty good representation of how I am feeling (of course she is not holding a glass of wine...)

Time flies

2009-10-28T19:39:00.002-04:00

This time last year, we had checked into the hospice room at Children's. The whole family was gathered. Waiting for what we knew was the unevitable. Friday will mark one year that he's been gone.

Football

2009-10-25T18:00:00.002-04:00

I went to my first youth football game in 2 years today. It was a nice experience, not as hard as I had thought it would be. It was their last home game and since they dedicated the season to Cameron, I thought going was the right thing to do. They announced his name with the players. The team had his "#2" stickers on their helmets and my niece who is a cheerleader has a #2 patch on her skirt. The kids were all very sweet. It is nice to know that Cam has not been forgotten. In 5 days it will be one year.

:(

2009-10-22T19:13:00.002-04:00

Our friend Matthew did not get good news today. Please keep him & his family in your prayers.

www.caringbridge.org/visit/matthewbarr

Swine flu?

2009-10-20T12:46:00.002-04:00

Just picked Sam up from school. Temp was 101.7 & she says she feels "tired and slow." She is snuggled in her favorite quilt on the couch sipping some OJ & watching Hannah Montana. Waiting on a call back from the ped. Ugh!

Flower Girl

2009-10-11T14:01:00.002-04:00

Yesterday was our friend Angie's wedding. Samantha was lucky enough to be the flower girl. She was thrilled to get her hair curled and to finally get to wear the pretty dress. It was a beautiful day for a wedding.

Sam did get a little bored waiting for the other's to get ready.

Walking down the aisle. Despite the rotten grin, she got a little shy and wanted to walk with the matron of honor.

She cut loose at the reception and danced the night away.

At some point she kicked off her shoes because "the big girls did." We nearly had to drag her off the dance floor to go home. She was asleep before we got out of town.

Thanks to Angie for allowing Samantha to have this opportunity. Angie and Sam have an unfortunate special bond - both have lost big brothers to cancer. It was good for Samantha to see that you can lose your brother, but still get to grow up, get married and have fun.

10-03-09

2009-10-03T18:06:00.002-04:00

Last night Sam & I went shopping. We headed to Kohl's with our coupon and intent to get a new outfit for school pictures and a new winter coat that she needed this morning for ice skating. On the way to the store, Sam started talking about Cameron. She kept saying how much she misses him, how she wishes he was still here so we could buy him a new winter coat too. Then she wondered if he was cold, if he could run & play now and if he gets to see grandma. Broke my heart to hear her suffering.

We've had a very busy Saturday. Today started with Samantha's first ice skating lesson of the season. She was very excited to go - she woke up a little after 7 am asking if it was time to leave yet. She then had 4 clothing changes because her pants were too itchy, too tight, too loose. Finally, she decided on something.

After skating, we headed to Walmart to buy her Halloween costume. Shockingly, she wants to be Hannah Montana! The trick now will be keeping her from losing the pieces before trick or treat.

Next was cousin Emily's birthday party at the skating rink.

After the party, we headed to the Fall Festival at the church. We started with Sam's first hayride.

Then pumpkin painting.

Finally, the bounce house.

We're home now and she is playing with Marley. Tonight we're planning an encore of Monsters vs. Aliens & some popcorn.

Daisy Scouts

2009-09-28T19:04:00.003-04:00

Yesterday Samantha had her first Daisy Scouts meeting. There were 15 kindergarten and 1st grade girls there - all very excited. (I am glad I am not the troop leader.) They had a garden party where they learned table manners and did some crafts. Much different from our boy scout experiences where we learned about bugs, knots and fishing. Between ice skating lessons, daisy scouts, being a flower girl and birthday parties, we are in for a busy fall.

Cloudy

2009-09-20T17:53:00.002-04:00

with a chance of meatballs! I took Sam to the theater to see it this weekend. We opted out of the 3-D version as they tend to be too intense for her. It was little scary for her towards the end, but overall she loved it. Of course, she loves every movie that we go to see. She loves the experience of going to the theater. She loves the popcorn (& sometimes a hot dog too!) There are several movies coming up that are on her list - especially The Princess and the Frog and Alvin & the Chipmunks 2 - both due out in December.

We also went to the library yesterday. Sam was able to get her very own library card. She is so proud to have it. She has stashed it away in her little purple purse.

Now, for a quiet evening at home.
Lori

Days like today

2009-09-15T17:28:00.002-04:00

I really miss my mom.

Sam woke up feeling bad. She had a low-grade temp and digestive problems. My mom would not have blinked an eye at providing childcare. She would have thrown on her clothes, jumped in her car and been here in just a few minutes so I wouldn't be late for work. Instead, I had to scramble to find help. I can't believe it has almost been a year.

Back from Hilton Head

2009-09-07T19:39:00.004-04:00

Thanks to the kindness of friends, we had a wonderful long weekend on Hilton Head Island. Sam was so excited to be at the ocean again - this is her 4th trip to the 4th different beach. My plan is to take her to as many different beaches along the eastern coast as possible. Because of the holiday, she only missed one day of school.

I can't believe she tried the raft again after her disasterous ride in Florida.

She has a drawer full of bathing suits, but only wants to wear this one. Next year, I won't make the mistake of over-buying. Well, I probably will but maybe she will agree to wear different ones so all of the pictures don't look the same.

Off to finish unpacking & to do some laundry. She is off to school tomorrow while I plan to spend the day relaxing & have lunch with my dad.

Another busy week(s)

2009-08-30T17:46:00.003-04:00

Samantha officially started kindergarten on August 20th. She was so exited she bounded out of bed the first morning. She wanted to pick out her own clothes, which could have been dangerous as she has a unique sense of style - lots of color and prints. I was pleasantly surprised by the outfit she put together. Here she is looking very much like a school girl.

We nearly missed the bus on the first day! It came 15 minutes earlier than last year. We had just walked outside to take some pictures when the bus pulled in. She had to run down the hill to get on.

Yesterday we went to the Marietta Aquatic Center. I believe it was the last weekend it is open. It is a huge kiddie pool that is heated, it has slides, sprinklers, a lazy river and a big pirate ship. She had blast.

I hadn't noticed how long her hair has gotten until I saw this profile picture.

Today we went to our friend Angie's wedding shower. It was very nice. Her friends obviously put a lot of time/effort into this event. Sam is going to be the flower girl. It has taken a bit of work to keep her out of the pretty dress!

We're home now & hopefully in for a quiet (an early) evening.

Until next time....

Lori

Busy Weekend

2009-08-16T20:07:00.003-04:00

I can't believe it, but school starts on Wednesday! So this being the last weekend of summer, we decided to make the most of it.

Yesterday, we spent the day at the zoo. Sam had never been there before and she loved it.

Of course the monkeys and gorillas were a big hit:

I think this was her favorite:

We stopped off for some face painting before leaving for the day:

Today was spent school clothes shopping. Found some great deals at Kohl's and Old Navy. Sam is a natural born shopper - must be the Grandma Ermal in her. She was so excited (& cooperative). She tried on so many pants - she is not an easy fit. Of course, I bought too much. Except I forgot to get any socks. Good thing she'll be wearing sandals to start off. I hope I can remember to pick some up this week. Her hot pink Kangaroo shoes should be here by Wednesday or Thursday & I know she'll be wanting to wear them right away.

Will update again after he first day.

Lori

LLS Light the Night

2009-08-14T20:24:00.000-04:00

My friend Jennifer is organizing a team for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society's Light the Night. Her team is dedicated to Cameron. Please visit her site for more information:

http://pages.lightthenight.org/tn/MidTN09/TeamCameron

Thanks Jennifer!

Lori

Happy Birthday Mom

2009-08-10T21:34:00.002-04:00

Tomorrow, August 11th, would have been my mom's 64th birthday, marking the first one since she's been gone.

I miss her.

Final vacation pictures

2009-08-09T09:10:00.003-04:00

I realize that this is as bad as watching your neighbor's slideshow from a vacation, but I'm not able to help myself. I took hundreds of pictures during the trip so you are really just viewing a sample :)

From our dinner on the pier. I wonder what inappropriate thing Christian is saying to Sam?

After dinner we rode the lift around the pier. The girls thought it was great. Christian, Paul & I thought it was a little scary. We were very high. The ride was a bit rusty and we stopped at the peak for almost 30 seconds. Doesn't seem like much, but when you are swinging in the breeze it felt like an eternity. I have no pictures from the ride. Too busy holding on...

Felt much better after we got back to the pool.

The girls were hot and tiring of the sun so they built a fort from the ride-ons.

About a minute later the boys knocked down the fort.

Sam started feeling more confident in the water. She took a couple of running jumps before I could catch it on film.

Our last morning - a final dig in the sand.

1st Annual Cameron Brown Memorial Hog Roast

2009-08-07T21:12:00.003-04:00

Tonight was the 1st Annual Cameron Brown Memorial Hog Roast hosted by our local high school footall team. One of the players organized the event as part of his senior project. They raised several thousand dollars and it will become an on-going scholarship program. They had a very nice presentation ceremony where all of the information was announced. At the end, "2" stickers were passed out. The players for all age groups in the district will where Cameron's number on their helmets. Also, Cam's #2 jersey was retired by the youth program. It was an emotional evening and touching to see how Cameron affected the lives of these young men and has influenced them in positive ways.

Vacation: Day 3

2009-08-07T10:10:00.003-04:00

Day 3 started off a bit bizarrely. We were all down on the beach and the kids were all running around. Suddenly Samantha came running to me shouting "Grandma's here! Grandma's here! Grandma's here!" I looked back where she was pointing and there was a woman who looked exactly like my mom. My brother and I could not believe it. She could have easily been a twin. The kids were convinced that Grandma had come along. Sam also said "I wonder if bubby is here too?"

I saw her once more when we were in a restaurant and she was walking down the sidewalk. I wish I would have been brave enough to snap a photo of that lady. Here are some of the pics I did take on day 3:

Sam & her boogie board:

The ocean won this battle:

Poptarts - the snack of champions!

We cut our vacation a few days short because tonight (Friday) our local high school football team is doing a fundraiser and they are making a dedication to Cameron.

More to come....

Lori

Good to be home

2009-08-06T20:10:00.003-04:00

We made it home a little while ago. I would have posted more during the trip but I was unable to maintain an internet connection.

We did have a great time. Sam loved the ocean. She was not afraid of it all. She also loved the pool and the lazy river. We spent all of our time in the water. No sight-seeing, lots of ordering in, just relaxing.

I loved the hotel. Our room was great. Everyone was very nice. My only complaint was that they require guests to wear plastic wristbands. Samantha said "this is just like the Ronald McDonald House."

On the first day there was a hula hoop contest. Sam was the best in her age-group, while she did not win the overall competition Christian did win. It was hysterical. Too bad my camera was in the room. Here are some other pics I took on day 1:

Sam & Ashton:

Sam & Emily:

Sam & Ash:

Need to work on unpacking, will post more tomorrow.

Lori

Welcome to Florida!

2009-08-01T22:27:00.002-04:00

We decided to take a vacation this year. It has been over 3 years since our last trip. Our summers since then have been spent at Children's Hospital. Samantha doesn't even remember being at the ocean before (though this is her 3rd trip and she is only 5). She was so excited to see all of the water.

After arriving at our hotel (which is great!) we quickly changed and rushed down to the ocean. The water feels great.

Next, we hit the lazy river. She flew around the loop.

We're settling in for the night soon. Paul, Amy & crew should be here in the morning so Sam can spend the rest of the time with her cousins.

Will post more pics tomorrow.

Lori

July 24th

2009-07-24T17:23:00.003-04:00

Another superstitious anniversary of sorts for me. Used to be one of joy. Now of sorrow.

July 24, 1998That was the day I got my positive home pregnancy test. I still have it. 32 weeks later, Cameron came into the world an instantly became the light of my life.

July 24, 2008A routine check-up revealed 3% blast cells. Cameron relapsed. Again. The start of an incredible nightmare.

July 24, 2009
I can't believe it has been a year. Feels like yesterday. Thank you for your continued support & prayers.

Cameron during the 2007 Founder's Day parade:

The same shirt in the quilt:

Cameron & my mom October 1999.

Me & my mom March 1995:

The quilt

2009-07-14T17:11:00.003-04:00

Some of you may remember months ago when I mentioned that a friend was making a quilt for me from some of Cameron's shirts. It is finished and it is beautiful. It is large enough to cover a full-sized bed. So large that I could not get a good picture of it. The connecting pieces are cut from Cam's pajama pants. Each square is filled with memories. I haven't decided exactly what to do with it yet. For now, I have it safely stored. I will snuggle with it sometimes - it's just so precious to me that I don't want to do anything that may damage it.

Thank you so much Ellie.

The full quilt:

A few of my favorite squares:

This is a wonderful treasure. If I were more organized I would pair squares of the quilt with pictures of Cameron wearing the shirts. Maybe another day.

Lori

Am I really going to blog?

Official cheerleading photos

Jinxed again!

What's up Walt???

Vomit.......

Another one off the list!

& so it is a New Year

Merry Christmas?

My nails & a mileage update

Off to a good start!

What a year!

Busy weekend!

3 years....

My half marathon pictures

I am a 1/2 Marathoner!!

Been too busy running to blog!

tired!

What a great week!

Getting close to my goal!

Fever & Cheer

Summer is winding down

List update!

WTH???

Overwhelmed!

Happy 4th of July!

Just a few weeks left.....

Has it been 2 weeks??

Just mileage today.....

Memorial Day Fun

Feeling accomplished!

My rhododendren

Happy Mother's Day

Can it really be May???

Happy Easter!

I stink at writing titles......

Not very interesting, but some pictures....

Hey Eye Doctor! You're not that special!!

Another week gone by.....

H-A-W-T

Another week of taking it easy....

Boring list update....

Ramblings of a crazy woman......

*12*

I'm sorry for being so dull.....

Update time again.....

Poor Ken......

A "junk"y post.....

My list updates.....

Had to pull up my big girl pants today......

Dora's Revenge!

January 25

Another boring post....

Not a real update.....

Not much to report.....

I'm still here.....

Thought of the day

Thought for today

Another Saturday....

Hysterical? Humiliating?

t-ball

Samantha

Happy Easter

March 25

A picture says a 1000 words.....

.

Samantha says.....

Been a long while....

my message of the day....

Pool Party

Samantha's big day

Happy Birthday Samantha

Be the Match

My family

Birthday pictures

1st Annual Cameron Brown Courage Award

Saturday photos

Category: What was I thinking?!?!?

My girl....

Trick or Treat

So this is it

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